Power, privilege and the impact of the double bind

It’s been a big couple of weeks for women in the media and not for the right reasons. I didn’t weigh in on the derogatory comments about Nadia Lim last week, I tend to stand back, reflect and order my thoughts and consider if they are useful to share – a novel concept many others might wished they’d have considered.

It came as no surprise to most women that this misogyny still exists, although most perpetrators are usually more clever than to think they can say it publicly and get away with it these days.

What this underlines is that it’s different for women and power imbalances mean this stuff has been happening for too long.  At the root of this issue is the fact that he thought he could say it because it’s been ok before and he’s accustomed to saying what he wants and not being held to account (the power imbalance).

Most of our businesses have spent more time and energy in PR damage limitation when this gets out than they do in solving the problem in the first place.  Indeed, as this shows, it’s often those at the top who don’t see there’s an issue with this kind of behaviour, to the point of partaking in it.

Nadia Lim started that business and yet was referred to as if she was the cover girl, a hired model to make the brochure look good.  Because how can a woman who is young, pretty and of mixed race also have a successful business?

The fact that he thought it’s ok to comment on her appearance (in material about her own business for gods sake) says it all, I’m sure he’s appeared on many flyers for DGL.  Sadly though because of the bias that exists and the worlds we’ve grown up in a middle age white man on a flyer is seen as a CEO/Business owner whilst a woman is seen as an object to be objectified.

In fact sometimes that’s where the misogynistic reactions come from – you’re not who we expect you to be, you don’t fit with our norms created around women of your age/appearance.  I feel threatened that you’re on my patch – how dare you not know your place!

Maybe he’d wished he’d written books, got his own magazine and founded one of NZs most successful online food delivery enterprises.  The fact that someone (a woman) can do all this and still be subject to this show’s we’ve not come that far at all.  Would those comments have been made if she was male – Jamie Oliver perhaps?  Of course not.

The outcry has been deemed by some as ‘cancel culture’: cancelling misogyny or just expecting better moral judgement from our senior leaders?  It’s basic respect and dignity and if we’ve lost that art the human race is in more trouble than we thought. 

On that subject there was a small window of opportunity, to ask the question, how do I make this right?  Instead it appears he asked, how do we make it go away, how do I save myself?  A demonstration of privilege and the luxury of being able to do whatever he wants, someone will fix it for me because they always have.  So to add insult to injury a flurry of hollow apologies and ‘lessons’ form the damage limitation and restore the power in balance.

And of course we know that apologies in this space mean nothing other than, I’m sorry for myself, that I’m losing face, losing money and that this went bad for me.  I find it hard to believe that anyone who utters those words can also be sorry for what they said – they wouldn’t have said it if that was the case. 

The media is outraged and we say things like it’s not 1960 anymore guys and yet most women know this goes on daily although not always in the spotlight of the media.  Even when it’s unsaid there are still in balances between gender and power.  Women are judged differently and collectively we spend far too much time speaking about their appearance, relationships, kids and other things we think are markers of a ‘successful female’.

In fact therein often lies the problem, we call it the double bind.  Women are supposed to be one thing ‘pretty, polite, nurturing, mothers etc’ and then also expected to be fearless leaders and when those two things don’t match up in our minds we have this cognitive dissonance which results in women being put in a no win situation.  I’m supposed to be a respected leader yet I don’t fit the bill because of expectations made about my gender hundreds of years ago.

So on one hand I sit with the frustrations that we’re still having these conversations but also this sends a very loud message that the world has moved on and the Simons haven’t.  In fact you’re out of touch if you think this is an acceptable way to behave and that it won’t go unnoticed.

So it turns out he’s more famous this week than he was last but for all the wrong reasons.  Nadia has long been a house hold name because of her success with My Food Bag and it’s for those reasons she should be getting air time.

Performance and periods

Last week the news in sport has been consumed by the reaction to Lydia Ko’s performance impacted by her period.  Which seems to have come as a surprise, except to every single woman!

I remember playing soccer sometimes having a period would be the same as carrying an injury.  Not to mention the mental impacts as well.  Brain fog, tiredness and a reluctance to want to leave the house or speak to anyone!  I’d often feel like I have the flu coming on but it was my period, or perhaps I was depressed, no just my period.  Some kind of serious internal injury?  No, again, just a period.

It hasn’t been talked about (like menopause and pretty much most issues that impact women) yet is a reality the causes real impacts.  Impacts we’ve often been taught to ignore or push through, as if this shouldn’t be something that impacts us.

I often talk about seasons to our soul, times we feel at our best and times we retreat inwards and need to regroup.  Whether that be morning vs evening for those who are owls or larks.  Winter or summer depending on the impacts the weather has on your energy and the sluggishness dark mornings and short days bring about.  Or simply just an introvert needing quiet space to focus and an extrovert feeling their best in an open plan office.  We’re all different and we know what helps us perform at our best.  We also know what stops us from being at our best and the things that take the shine off our brilliance.  Periods for many women can certainly do this.

Periods are normal, so are the impacts they have and the way it can influence our performance.  Yet talking about them and accepting they impact performance not so much.

Just because we’re capable of brilliance doesn’t mean we should expect it all the time.  Part of being brilliant means embracing our humanness and performing in line with those seasons to our soul, the flow of our best whether that be the time of day, month or year.  Of course the brilliance of periods is that they link to the human ability to reproduce and bring life into the world and yet they come with these side effects.  Just like being human, we’re amazing yet also imperfect at the same time.

In order to be our best we need to meet ourselves where we’re at, know what we need and know when to pull back.  There is a tendency in our busy modern lives to push through anyway, whether that be a bad period, a sleepless night or serious life events.  Animals rest when they’re injured or tired, they change their rituals and routines with the seasons and live in harmony with nature – I think we could learn something from them.

7 ways to adapt to change on our return to the office

As we move into autumn there’s definitely change in the air.  The leaves are starting to fall, the temperature has dropped and we’re all slowly making our way back into the office in a bid to return to pre covid working arrangements. With the country moving into orange and many workplaces insisting on the great return we’re once again changing our routines and adjusting to a new normal.

Many organisations have deemed May the mass return deadline. With a view to bringing back collaboration, contributing to the economy and filling our deserted city centres with the sound of commutes, working lunches and coffee catch ups once more.

For some it’s a welcome means of social interaction, structure and routine but for others it’s another change, another ask of us to adapt and adjust to something different.  After spending the last two years adjusting to working from home the upheaval will be felt keenly for those who prefer not to commute, have got very comfortable at home and are now wondering why they need an office and all the challenges that come with it – distractions, increased costs, longer days etc.

Either way we’re all having to adapt again as change comes.  As it always does.  Just like the seasons and the falling of the leaves.  As summer gives way to winter our cosy home based offices are now giving way to a return to the commute.  But this is life, change is constant and our need to adapt constantly being tested.  With that in mind here’s a few tips to help navigate the next few months:

1.      Know yourself and what you need - from a health perspective but also how you work best. I know I do my best thinking in the morning, I also know as an introvert I need quiet to focus. I’m also aware that I need to get out in nature and stretch my legs when i’ve been sitting at a desk for too long. Keeping an eye on how we feel and knowing what we need gives us the ability to respond to our changing moods and energy levels and stay at our best.

2.      Keep a track on your energy levels. I love checking in with myself and doing an energy audit. It helps me know when to expect my best and when to back off. Knowing how I feel gives me a better chance of making good choices on what to do next.

3.      Reflect: What did you learn over the last couple of years?  How can you keep some of what you enjoyed, how can you use it as an opportunity to change some of what you didn’t?

4.      Structure and routine is key, plan your days, set up your calendar so you control it not the other way around.

5.      Organise your work accordingly: where possible deep work for days at home undisturbed, team work for days in the office with others.

6.      Make the most of the commute: if you’re going to be out of the house why not stack on to those days the shopping, catching up with friends for lunch, gym on the way home, hair appointments etc.

7.      Know that change is a constant and give yourself time to adjust.  It’s normal if it feels like an upheaval so go easy on yourself during those first two weeks, it might feel more tiring as we adapt to the change in routine, getting up earlier and having more to think about.

Whilst we’ll  all have different feelings about the return to the office as we head into winter know that we’re united by the fact we’re adapting to another change is circumstance and routine but just as the seasons change so do we.  Those, like me, who are sad to see the summer go can look forward to cosy night in front of the fire instead.  What are the silver linings in your change?  Getting out of the house, booking a trip overseas, or getting to dress up again!  We’re all different so know that your experience is valid but it may not be the same as those you work alongside.

Is your environment helping you grow?

This year I moved to Waiheke Island from Wellington.  It’s been quite a shift in environment, especially the summer climate.  It’s exactly why I moved here but it’s made me realise the importance of environment and I’m not just talking about being warm and near the beach.

I grew tomatoes in Wellington.  They took about 3 months, it was a slow process and I’d maybe get one a week when they fruited.  This process involved bringing them inside to shelter from the wind on certain days or watching them snap in the gusts.  The process here is quite different.  It’s more about watering them daily and reaping bountiful harvests of boxes of fruit most weeks!

Our surroundings impact on how we perform.  For plants this is obviously about climate but we’re no different.  Our work climates are made up of the culture we exist in, the people we work with and how much autonomy we’re given to do our job.  It includes how well we look after ourselves and the environment we create at home.  Are our weekends full of calm and rest to enable a recharge?  Are we organised and know where everything is?  What about our desk or our filing system?  All of this creates our environment and either helps us grow or not just like the tomatoes.

So we know what creates our environment but what leads to us doing or not doing these things.  Why do some people have an environment more conductive to success and others one that makes it harder for them like tomatoes growing in Wellington?

This is down to our habits.  It’s a series of good habits that produce an environment for success. 

 ‘We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence therefore is not an act but a habit’ – Aristotle

Often the difference between those who succeed and those who do not is the habits they form. This is how we hit peak performance – forming good habits and breaking bad ones.

All Blacks mental skills coach, Gilbert Enoka, talks about this in relating his experience of coaching rugby players. There’s a combination of mindset and skillset he says is crucial for success, but there’s also a third, equally important point: structure. Together, mindset, skillset and structure make up Enoka’s success triangle.

He’s witnessed players who have the necessary skills and mindset still fail to make the team because of a lack of structure. If they can’t adhere to the necessary routine of training, early nights, meal plans and habits, they will inevitably not succeed.

Forming good habits sounds simple, but, of course, it’s not. Otherwise, we’d all go to the gym, eat salad all the time and wake up at 6 am every day. Even when we know the negative impacts of a certain habit, it can be hard to break.

So what are your habits and how are they creating your environment?  What needs to change and how can you form some better structure around your day or your week.  This might be getting up earlier, blocking out time in your diary for planning or booking in time for exercise during the day.

Find out more about the power of structure and how to be your best om the new book, Burnout to Brilliance

What stops us being brilliant? The barriers to peak performance

We know what creates peak performance but what about what prevents it?  Author of The Inner Game, Timothy Gallwey refers to the barriers to performance as interference.  Emotions that get in the way of us achieving our potential. 

performance = potential – interference

Gallwey’s 3 emotional interferences are worry, guilt and fear.  These are all barriers to us achieving our potential and therefore performing.  Gallwey believes to maximise performance we need to minimise inference. 

Whilst interference comes from our thoughts it can also be impacted by our surrounding environment, including the people and distractions in it.  Gallwey also advises an essential component to performance is giving our full attention to what we’re doing (flow) and is an advocate for removing inference in the form of distractions.

Worry is a commonly experienced emotion with anxiety at work much talked about.  I like using the circle of influence to control my worries when they occur and I love the quote by Mark Twain “There has been much tragedy in my life, at least half of it actually happened”

Worry is an emotion that robs us of the present and also robs us of our potential.  If we spend all our time worrying about things that have happened or the what ifs that may happen we’ll miss out on the potential we have in the here and now. 

Anxiety is an emotion that can exacerbate burnout and also impact some of the good habits we need for peak performance like sleep, exercise and what we eat.

Guilt is more subtle and not talked about so much but sits there under the surface for most of us and is just as impactful.  It’s one of the emotions that drives unsustainable work-life balance. The guilt of saying no or not leaving early for an appointment for example.

Many of us can think of a time fear has stopped us at work, whether it be applying for a promotion or speaking out in a senior meeting.  Where fear is concerned our minds play negative tricks on us to keep us safe, but this can also keep us unchallenged and unfulfilled.  Our biggest fear is often our fear of failure.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest to achieve peak performance we have to fail – and this is the opposite to what we get taught.  Our society believes failure is the opposite to success and many of our organisational cultures operate the same way leaving us feeling there’s no place for failure and therefore a resulting fear of it on this quest for peak performance.  It’s why giving ourselves permission to fail is so hard on our journey to brilliance, they seem like competing ends of the extreme and yet it’s one of the most impactful strategies we can employ.

Once we understand our unique talents and the barriers that get in the way we are equipped with the knowledge to achieve our potential.  From here cultivating a mindset of brilliance and the habits and structures that ensure we remain energised and sustainable unlock the key to peak performance.

Find out more in the new book, Burnout to Brilliance, out now

My own burnout story

I was born in rural England to a loving family. We were not well off, but my life was generally one of privilege. I was sold on the cultural norms of being a high-achieving woman. I climbed the career ladder, and chased the promotions, the company car and the salary package. I got the top job and the beach house. I settled down and had it all figured out by the age of 30 – or so I thought.

I was working hard and yet there was always more to do, more to prove. It was never enough.

The result was that I became stuck on the treadmill of ‘doing’ life without really finding any joy in it. I wasn’t living my life, and as a result I was deeply unfulfilled. I’d lost touch with what was important, who I was and what I wanted. My health began to suffer, and I was unhappy – it was at that point I experienced burnout.

It was shortly after I’d taken over covering the role of a colleague in addition to my own. Now heading up two teams and looking after 10 sites instead of five, I was stretched further across the country, sitting in more leadership meetings and involved in more projects than I could keep up with.

I spent most days in the car or back-to-back meetings. I had little time to enjoy the beach house I had settled in, as I was always in hotels working away. When I was at home, I had little time or energy to indulge in any hobbies or exercise, or even function in my relationship. But the high achiever in me kept pushing. More was better: I had to prove myself, and failure was not an option. Besides, I didn’t want to let people down.

My boss at the time called me to ask if I’d manage a big change project about to hit the manufacturing part of the business. I was going through a breakup with my partner of seven years, and she thought it might ‘help take my mind off it’. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. As my life unravelled, so did my health.

Physically, the defining moment came at a gym class on my 31st birthday. I was exhausted as usual and a little out of shape, but also looking for excuses not to go home and face the music. Midway through a step class, I felt a pop in my knee and collapsed to the floor. Amid the thumping music and frowns of onlookers, I broke down and cried, heaving sobs. I couldn’t even feel my knee, so it wasn’t pain-related; it was the fact that a lid of emotions seemed to have had lifted, and it hit me like a truck. I started to cry that night, and didn’t stop for about a month. I couldn’t get out of bed, and conveniently for my work I was bedridden for recovery of my ruptured cruciate, which might need surgery. For work purposes I could hide behind this sports injury rather than my breakdown. I didn’t want anyone to know I’d failed; that I couldn’t cope, couldn’t keep up.

Those long days in bed gave me a lot of time to think, and forced me to spend time recovering because there wasn’t much else I could do. I also started to talk to a professional about what was really going on for me, in a bid to figure out what I should do next.

That turned out to be to wipe the slate clean and start again. To throw out everything that wasn’t working and figure out what would. My relationship, my job – even the beach house – all ended so I could begin the rebuild and finally devote time to who I was and what I wanted.

I knew something had to change, and decided that that ‘something’ was everything.

My reinvention wasn’t a revelation that came to me in the middle of the night during a ‘seeing the light’ moment. It was more of a ‘hitting a brick wall’ kind of moment: I hit the wall, and then the wall came crashing down on top of me. It was a choice my body helped me make, because it realised after a year of hints that I wasn’t getting the message.

When I think back, the signs were there. It was a slow burn; it was just always more convenient for me not to notice. I was always on the verge of getting sick, battling a tiredness no amount of sleep or long weekends could cure. My batteries always seemed to be running on empty, and I’d lost my motivation for practically everything. I didn’t have any joy in my work, or in the things I used to enjoy in life. I’d excuse this malaise at the weekend, telling myself I was tired and rest was the right thing to do to offset the busyness, and then I’d throw myself into my work to keep my mind off these gnawing doubts and problems.

I withdrew from friends, as I hadn’t the energy to socialise. I justified it by telling them how big and important my job was, and in my own head told myself I needed the rest and that those with ‘my sort of job’ couldn’t be expected to socialise in the week; it wasn’t part of the deal. The truth was I’d lost interest in being around others or having fun or making an effort to do anything really. The irony was that this big job that took up so much of my life and was the Holy Grail of career success actually no longer interested me either. I’d lost my passion for the very thing I was making all these sacrifices for. I didn’t want to be at work; I couldn’t really care less about the work I was doing, such was my burnout. In hindsight I can see that I was checking out, losing motivation and ultimately disengaging from work and life because of my burnout.

I’d got into the habit of drinking a bottle of wine every Friday to unwind, and got out of the habit of exercise. Before my burnout that would be another thing I’d cram in so my life had all the hallmarks of success. I’d go to 6 am yoga or head to the gym after work but just prior to my burnout even that had slipped: I’d treat myself to takeaways because I had no energy to cook and, well, I needed a treat. Life was hard – this was self-care, wasn’t it? I’d tell myself I could do more self-care when my holidays rolled around, but of course it was never the right time to take leave, so they never did come around.

So, at 31, I gave it all up and started again, in a bid to recover from my burnout and to ensure that I never got this low again. I wanted to rebuild my life around my passions. If plan A wasn’t the answer, as everyone had led me to believe, what was?

I walked away from my long-term relationship, gave up my career in the corporate world and decided on a complete change of direction: I would follow my passion for writing books.

Part of my recovery included a trip to Bali (isn’t that where everyone goes when they burn out?) and another part involved spending time back in the UK with those who I loved and needed around. I interspersed these with many retreats and ashram stays, at which I could devote time to yoga, mindfulness, silence, meditation and reconnecting with myself.

This turned out to be the turning point.

I spent a year writing my first book and doing other things that made my heart sing, including travelling the circumference of Australia in a camper van and visiting Bhutan. I taught English to Buddhist monks in Thailand, and lived in ashrams and mindfulness centres.

I had always been sold on the concept that a good job and a regular income provides you with reliability. It’s scary not to have a pay cheque coming into your account every month, and for me it was the first time I wasn’t earning since I had been old enough to work.

I returned to New Zealand as a qualified coach, yoga teacher and mindfulness practitioner, with no money in my bank account. This is how I began the next chapter of my life. Based in Wellington, where I didn’t know anyone, I began putting on events, coaching and writing my second book, sharing what I’d learned and my passion with others. Within six weeks, I met the woman who is now my wife, and by the end of the year, I had a second book, a business, a new home and a dog!

In hindsight, I realise that, during my time in the corporate world, I burnt out because I was too busy trying to prove myself and looking after everyone else around me. I was juggling too many things and trying to make them all perfect, yet barely keeping up. I’d beat myself up for not having the energy to go to the gym or get up early for yoga before work. I spent a lot of hours travelling and in meetings – earning a living but not making a life.

However, my time in the corporate world provided me with some valuable research for the work I do now. I noticed some recurring themes as I worked in human resources (HR) with leadership teams across multiple countries and industries. Being in HR, you have a unique position, in that you’re often the coach and confidante of senior leaders. Not only do you get to sit on the leadership team; you also get to be privy to the recruitment to the team, and to talent and performance conversations.

This, combined with my own involvement in sport as a captain and player across Rugby, Football and Netball teams, led me to a fascination with peak performance. How do we sustain it? What is the difference between those who can and those who don’t? I saw that it wasn’t about capability, as we often think. It was much more about our mindset, our habits and the way we did what we did.

My journey has come full circle. I find myself drawing on skills from my corporate HR days of coaching, personal development, leadership development and training, now with the added benefit of my years in studying mindfulness and understanding balance, authenticity and the recipe for fulfilment.

Find out more in the new book, Burnout to Brilliance, out now

Stages of burnout, triggers and warning signs

Research out of AUT suggests 11 per cent of New Zealand workers might be experiencing burnout: physical or mental problems due to stress or overwork.  That’s more than one in every ten new Zealanders.

 We use the term burnout to describe physical, mental and emotional exhaustion.

The World Health Organisation predict burnout will be a global pandemic in less than a decade and The  World Economic Forum estimates an annual burnout cost of GBP 225B to the global economy.  We know there’s an organisational cost of burnout too with increased turnover, absenteeism and of course the obvious impact on performance. 

 The most common indicators burnout is at play are; exhaustion, a feeling of lack of control, disengaging, trouble focusing, a sense of dread about work and frequent feelings of cynicism or irritability.

Burnout is not just about quantity but the quality of what we’re doing not just how much of it we’re doing.  According to Psychology today; Burnout is not simply a result of working long hours or juggling too many tasks, though those both play a role. 

The cynicism, depression, and lethargy that are characteristic of burnout most often occur when a person is not in control of how a job is carried out, or is asked to complete tasks that conflict with their sense of self.

5 Stage of Burnout with symptoms

 In my experience, it’s not poor performers who burnout, we don’t burn out because we’re not capable, in fact it’s the opposite.  The more capable we are the more likely we are to burnout, it’s the drive of the high achiever that leads us down this path. 

High achievers are given more work because of their competence and track record which puts them at higher risk of overworking , having too much on their plate and ultimately burning out.

And of course we can’t say no, for fear of not been seen as up to the job, for looking weak or like we’re not coping. Our cultures and societal norms around this stuff keep us pushing until we hit a wall, saying yes until we collapse under the weight of all the commitments we’ve just made – then we feel like a failure. 

So how do we avoid burnout? What triggers should we look out for?

Well, if you’re tired all the time, despite getting plenty of sleep; if you’re constantly fighting off coughs and colds – always being on the verge of sickness; if you’re struggling to motivate yourself, and not finding joy in the things you used to love or don’t have the motivation to do these things … you’re on notice burnout is close.

In this state, we become less tolerant of those around us. We reach for the wrong food or increase our alcohol intake as a coping mechanism. When we’re exhausted, we tend to choose TV over exercise, or takeaways over cooking, or we skip meals completely because of a loss of appetite – these are all potential burnout signs.

And, of course, the most obvious sign is when we truly hit burnout, and end up in bed, completely devoid of energy and interest in life. This was certainly my experience – but we’re all different.

Most of us know what it’s like to be at our best; we’ve been there before. Likewise, we know what it’s like when we’re about to hit a wall and get sick: when we’ve overdone it, left it too late or burned the candle at both ends.

I like to think of this in terms of a traffic light. We all have green and red zones, and they look different for us all.

The red light stops us completely; it’s our ground zero. The green light is when we’re all go and at our best. The amber light, in between, is important: it’s our warning system. When we slip from green, before we hit red, the amber light gives us an opportunity to act and pre-empt hitting the wall and slipping into that red zone: burnout.

For me, that amber light is a twitch in the corner of my eye, a sore throat and a constant tiredness. It’s noticing I’m less tolerant and a bit snappy with loved ones. This is my amber light; my warning to back off, take a rest and pre-empt the approaching red zone.

Another way to think about this is in terms of the petrol warning light in the car. When you know your tank is nearing empty, stop and refuel, to avoid being left on the side of the road.

So what do these traffic lights look like for you? What do you notice about yourself when you’re at your best, on green? What about when you’re at your worst and close to burnout, on red? And what about that bit in between: what are the early warning signs you get at the amber light? What rating would you give yourself right now and what can you do about it?

Find out more in the brand new book, Burnout to Brilliance out now

Burnout to Brilliance

According to a 2020 study by the Mental Health Foundation a quarter of New Zealand adults are at risk of struggling with their mental health.  And even pre pandemic Southern Cross showed a 23.5 per cent rise in stress across businesses in their 2019 study.

Why is burnout becoming so prevalent and how can we navigate it to be at our best?  I believe the key lies into tapping into our brilliance.

Brilliance can mean many things.  In the dictionary it’s defined as cheerful, happy, lively, optimistic, bright, clear, dazzling, light, positive, smart, intelligent, sharp, quick, talented, inspired, skilful, excellent.  These are the things we aim for with peak performance and the things we experience when we’re at our best.

It’s the feeling we get when the sun lights up a room we’re in, it’s that light bulb moment when we have an amazing idea, it’s the 5 star rating on our performance when we’re at our best and it’s the light that shines on others when we move through work and life being our brilliant self.

When we’re brilliant we shine and so light is an intrinsic part of this concept of being brilliant.  In fact it feels light to live this way and when we’re closer to burnout we know it’s a heavy load to bear, a darker place to be.

It’s why I love the lightbulb metaphor here and for me it also represents energy, which is key to us sustaining our brilliance.  When we’re at our best we have more energy and like a light bulb we always shine brighter when we have more energy.  We also know what happens when we leave the light on too long, it dulls and eventually goes out.

Brightness is also synonymous with intelligence and of course when we’re being brilliant our intellect is at its sharpest and our brains are functioning at their full capability.

When I was in Bhutan, the kingdom famous for measuring Gross National Happiness in place of Gross Domestic Product (GDP), I was surrounded by brilliance, in terms of the light emanating from the people and the priorities their government had around environment, culture and sustainability. Many of the temples I visited had rooms full of butter lamps; there always seemed to be lights burning bright. It is said in Buddhism that light is the knowledge that dispels the darkness of ignorance.

This, for me, perfectly sums up this concept. How do we move from the ignorance of busyness and burnout to tap into our true potential and be brilliant?

It starts by looking in the right place and we’ve been distracted over recent years.  Distracted by a myth that more is better.  We need to do more, be more and focus on quantity.  What we’ve seen is that as a result quality has suffered; of our health, our work and ultimately our brilliance.  I believe in the concept that more is not always better – in fact, constantly striving for more may be the very thing contributing to our undoing. In fact, the visions we’re sold on Instagram are not achievable or real, and our organisational ways of working are built on an outdated model intended for the industrial age.

The ‘more is better’ attitude has pervaded our society, and resulted in marketing messages that only get us into debt, a mania for comparison with others (keeping up with the Joneses) and even hangovers and obesity! We all love a slice of cake, but the ‘more is better’ mantra can lead to us eating the whole thing and feeling sick. More is not necessarily better, even for the things we enjoy.

Busyness has become endemic and as a result we’re struggling.  It became a marker of success at work and something we’ve attached our self worth to with disastrous consequences.

In fact it may be true that our pursuit of brilliance has been our undoing and what’s led to so much burnout.  Being brilliant isn’t about doing more or being perfect (those are often precursors to burnout).  It’s about aligning with our skills and capabilities, believing in what we bring to the table and then of course having the energy to deliver on that.

I believe a fresh approach is required to ensuring we are a sustainable resource, equipped with knowledge on going from burnout to brilliance. There is a way of doing less to achieve more, it’s less but better because brilliance is about quality, not quantity.  This approach enables us to move from the destruction of busyness and burnout to tap into our true potential and be brilliant.

From the new book, Burnout to Brilliance here are my top tips.

·       Mind your busyness – it’s not a badge of honour or a reflection of how valuable you are.  It’s a sign you’re not at your best if you’re always busy.  Slow down so you can be effective, not busy.

·       Notice your language – what are you telling yourself?  Do you use the word busy, should or I have to do x,y,z a lot?  What’s your self-talk like and do you have control of your inner critic?

·       Prioritise rest and self-care to build your resilience

·       Know your triggers when burnout is approaching, audit your energy levels and fuel the tank as necessary

·       Focus on less but better, quality over quantity and reduce the overwhelm in the process

·       Master the art of tiny gains and focus on one thing at a time

·       Structure your life for success (harness the power of good habits)

·       Get your flow on – the art of flow increases our productivity and focus allowing us to access a state of deep work

·       Go easy on yourself – expect realism not perfection!

Don't let perfect be the enemy of excellence

As a recovering perfectionist I always wanted to overdeliver, in everything I did. I remember getting off stage in the early days of my public speaking career and the first thing I’d do, before the applause had even finished was go through my notes and highlight all the bits I’d missed or got wrong. Even though the audience had loved it, even though no-one knew what was on my script, I still expected to deliver each keynote perfectly and would beat myself up if I didn’t.

Over the years I’ve learned that done is better than perfect and to not let perfection get in the way of great work. This has helped me achieve more and also stopped me burning myself out! It’s not that I’ve lowered the bar on my standards, I’ve just reset it to a realistic level.

For me, perfectionism was driven by my fear of failure which is ironic as so often it set me up to fail by taking on too much and aiming for something that wasn’t achievable.

As perfectionists we’re often working hard but still feel like it’s not enough. We have excessively high expectations and beat ourselves up for not meeting them, you struggle to delegate or ask for help. You think if it’s not perfect you’re failing. Yet the target we set ourselves isn’t always achievable.

Take this scale, failure exists down the bottom and excellence at the top. However as a perfectionist that won’t be enough. We want to overdeliver, to go above and beyond excellent. This is extra time, effort and energy that we waste because it’s not necessary and it’s also extra effort, time and energy we can’t spend on other things. Things on our to do lists, our family or ourselves. It contributes to burnout and is also one of the ways we set ourselves up to fail (ironic really when it’s driven by a fear of failure!)

We hold perfectionism up as the standard we must achieve and then we beat ourselves up for not attaining it. We feel like we’re falling short as much of what we aim for isn’t possible. Whether it’s trying to look like the airbrushed photo of a magazine or wishing our life looked more like someone’s social media highlights reel – we’re aspiring to an impossible standard that’s not real. We’re setting ourselves up to fail.

I'll tell you what is real – imperfection! Imperfection is human and it can still be pretty amazing. We will make mistakes but we’re also capable of brilliance – just not all the time!

When we appear perfect we are less genuine and authentic. Dame Jenny Shipley once told me ‘the closer you are to perfect the less people will trust you’ and this makes so much sense.

Perfection is imperfect, we’re setting ourselves up to fail. It’s not surprising this is linked to overwhelm and burnout when we hold ourselves to these excessively high standards. Sometimes done is better than perfect yet we’re conditioned to always want to achieve more or better – it’s no wonder we feel like we’re falling short!

Mastering the confidence competence loop

In my workshops we always discuss the competence confidence loop. When we try something new for the first time and get out of our comfort zone, like a new job or challenge it’s where we can feel Imposter Experience the most. But as time goes on, we learn and grow in the role and overcome the challenge the feeling lessens. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable when we get out of our comfort zone, to worry about failing or not being as good as people think. But when we try and succeed we collect evidence of our competence and this in turn boosts our confidence.

When we prove ourselves competent we grow in confidence but this only happens by facing the fear in the first place and getting uncomfortable.

When we get out of our comfort zone one of two things will happen. Either we’ll succeed (and enter that competence confidence loop) or we’ll fail – and learn something that helps us succeed next time around (with the same impact on our competence confidence loop). Too often we think that failure is a negative, that it’s proof our imposter syndrome is right but it’s often part of the competence confidence loop, the longer way around to the same destination. A harder path to travel but one that also helps us offset our Imposter Syndrome.

I remember feeling like an Imposter, ironically when I was being called the Imposter Syndrome expert in the media. I’d written about it in my book but I’d not delivered too many workshops by then and was still researching more of the data and content so feeling like anything but an expert. I’d worry that interviewers were going to ask me questions I didn’t know the answer to or that I’d get ‘found out’. A year on and a few more workshops, conferences and interviews under my belt and I feel the benefit of the competence, confidence loop and the feeling of being ‘found out’ is replaced by one of confidence.

Want to learn more? Book a free no obligation discovery call with me and let's chat about how I can help.

From overwhelmed and busy to confident and productive

The work that I’m privileged to do helps high performers realise their potential.  High achievers have this tendency to overwork, to always want to do more and better.  We set ourselves excessively high expectations and its not uncommon for this to stray into perfectionism either!
 
Add to this the chance of Imposter Experience getting in the way and we have this fear of being found out or not being good enough pushing us to overdeliver, to prove ourselves again, to do more or better.

It's often what drives the way we think, feel and behave.  When we are confident, we get competence and are more likely to lean in, to back ourselves, to speak up. This combined with our self-care focus and an awareness of what we bring to the table is a winning formula for overcoming Imposter Experience and being our best.  We are more likely to delegate and set boundaries, we’re also more likely to feel clarity and energy for peak performance and understand our unique skill set.

This is very different to when we’re in the space of overwhelm and doubt which breeds procrastination, self-doubt and fear of not being enough.  We’re more likely to compare to others, feel like we’re falling short and ultimately burnout.
 
My programmes take teams from burnout to brilliance, from feeling overwhelmed and busy to confident and productive.  To understand what we bring to the table and back ourselves to own our space.
 
The table below explains that journey from overwhelm and busyness through self-doubt to enable us to build our awareness, resilience and confidence to prove our competence.

Where do you currently sit?  What are the impacts?  Find out how I can help here.

Covid fatigue and pandemic burnout

As we adjust to our country wide red light setting here in New Zealand, it’s not lockdown so why does it feel like?

Burnout is on the increase and it’s not surprising given there’s not much that’s normal about our new normal.  Like hiking at high altitude, everything becomes harder in circumstances like this: meal planning, supermarket shopping or just waking up and getting on with the day. We’re more distracted than normal: more anxious, less motivated and certainly less innovative. We struggle with the guilt that comes with not being able to be at our best and perform in the way we know we can.

Simply put we’ve all got some form a covid fatigue as we contemplate the effects of the constant threat and uncertainty over the last 2 years.  Everything is harder and the on off nature of life as we move in and out of restrictions and outbreaks is a test to even the most resilient of us.

For me I see the conferences and workshops I was looking forward to delivering disappear overnight.  The trip to see my UK based family that had been edging closer again disappears off into the future.  I tell myself, we’ve done this before, but I think that might be part of the problem.  We keep doing this and it’s exhausting.  Each cycle we come through we think it’s behind us and then another cycle or variant appears.  No wonder we feel tired and motivation might have taken a hit.  I started the year with renewed vigor and cautious optimism, fresh off the back of the summer break.  It seems like a long time ago now!

In 2018 global research organisation Gallup found that of nearly 7500 fulltime employees internationally, 23 per cent feel burnt out at work very often or always, while another 44 per cent feel burnt out sometimes.  That was before the pandemic hit.

Many of us have struggled during lockdowns and the uncertainty that came with the outbreak. To be honest, that was the normal response, in these circumstances.  Whether it was being apart from loved ones, illness, fear, the struggle with kids, home schooling, job security worries or the prospect of getting COVID – there’s a lot to feel worried about.

More specifically, COVID has meant that many of us have missed big overseas family events like births and deaths (in the case of deaths, in particular, some of us have been unable to grieve as we usually do, gain closure or visit loved ones in hospital). Some of us have lost our businesses overnight, and have been wondering how we’ll pay the bills. Some of us will have tested positive for COVID and realised we’ve passed it to our family. Most of us have lost all our usual mental health supports: people, places, activities or freedoms. Every bit of the pandemic has been a test on our already stretched mental health.

Whilst battling the pandemic, home schooling the kids and trying to work from the kitchen table, it’s not surprising our resilience has been tested. Many admit to their work performance taking a dip, we might also find we’re less able to achieve or ‘prove ourselves’ from the home office like we can in the workplace. All of this can lead to productivity guilt. We feel guilty if we’re working all day and the kids feel abandoned. Or we feel guilty if we stopped work at 3 pm to spend time with the kids. And then, on top of all this, we feel guilty we’re not training for a marathon in our spare time, or doing personal development webinars, or baking bread.

Whilst we’re on the subject of pandemics, the World Health Organisation predict burnout will be a global pandemic in less than a decade.  So what is burnout, how do you know if it’s impacting you and what can you do about it?

We use the term burnout to describe physical, mental and emotional exhaustion – usually relating to work.  The most common indicators burnout is at play are; exhaustion, a feeling of lack of control, disengaging, trouble focusing, a sense of dread about work and frequent feelings of cynicism or irritability.

But burnout is not just about quantity but the quality of what we’re doing not just how much of it we’re doing.  According to Psychology today; Burnout is not simply a result of working long hours or juggling too many tasks, though those both play a role. 

From the new book, Burnout to Brilliance here is my summary of the research on burnout and its five stages of seriousness.

COVID-19 has put a magnifying glass over an already burned out workforce and exacerbated the issue.  So who is most at risk? How do we avoid burnout? What triggers should we look out for?

In my experience, it’s not poor performers who burnout, we don’t burn out because we’re not capable, in fact it’s the opposite.  The more capable we are the more likely we are to burnout, it’s the drive of the high achiever that leads us down this path.  High achievers are given more work because of their competence and track record which puts them at higher risk of overworking , having too much on their plate and ultimately burning out.

And of course we can’t say no, for fear of not been seen as up to the job, for looking weak or like we’re not coping. Our cultures and societal norms around this stuff keep us pushing until we hit a wall, saying yes until we collapse under the weight of all the commitments we’ve just made – then we feel like a failure. 

Well, if you’re tired all the time, despite getting plenty of sleep; if you’re constantly on the verge of illness; if you’re struggling to motivate yourself, and not finding joy in the things you used to love or don’t have the motivation to do these things … you’re on notice burnout is close.

In this state, we become less tolerant of those around us. We might reach for the wrong food or increase our alcohol intake as a coping mechanism. When we’re exhausted, we tend to choose TV over exercise, or takeaways over cooking, or we skip meals completely because of a loss of appetite – these are all potential burnout signs.

And, of course, the most obvious sign is when we truly hit burnout, and end up in bed, completely devoid of energy and interest in life. This was certainly my experience of burnout back in my days in the corporate world.

Most of us know what it’s like to be at our best; we’ve been there before. Likewise, we know what it’s like when we’re about to hit a wall and get sick: when we’ve overdone it, left it too late or burned the candle at both ends.

I like to think of this in terms of a traffic light. We all have green and red zones, and they look different for us all. The red light stops us completely; it’s our ground zero. The green light is when we’re all go and at our best. The amber light, in between, is important: it’s our warning system. When we slip from green, before we hit red, the amber light gives us an opportunity to act and pre-empt hitting the wall and slipping into that red zone: burnout.

For me, that amber light is a twitch in the corner of my eye, a sore throat and a constant tiredness. It’s noticing I’m less tolerant and a bit snappy with loved ones. This is my amber light; my warning to back off, take a rest and pre-empt the approaching red zone.

Another way to think about this is in terms of the petrol warning light in the car. When you know your tank is nearing empty, stop and refuel, to avoid being left on the side of the road.  On a long car journey we know it takes longer if we pull over and stop for fuel but we also know it’s necessary to ensure we reach our destination.

So what do these traffic lights look like for you? What do you notice about yourself when you’re at your best, on green? What about when you’re at your worst and close to burnout, on red? And what about that bit in between: what are the early warning signs you get at the amber light? What rating would you give yourself right now and what can you do about it?

Find out more about navigating the journey from burnout to brilliance in my brand new book or check out the Covid Support webinar available to deliver for your team now.

Is Imposterism putting a ceiling on your confidence?

Imposter Experience isn’t a deficit in capability, it’s a lens that makes us feel like we’re not as capable as we actually are.  A doubt in our abilities and a ceiling on our confidence.

Generally over time as we build more experience in a certain thing our competence improves.  When we prove ourselves competent we generally also increase a rise in confidence at the same time.  Now we know we can do it, that belief and confidence follows.
 
Competence and confidence are different and when Imposter Experience is at play we are often more competent than our confidences permits.  Our confidence is lower because it’s capped by the ceiling that is our Imposterism.  At this point regardless of how much more competence we’re building we simply don’t have the associated rise in confidence to recognise it so it goes unnoticed.

It’s why we often get this feeling that others think we’re better than we are.  Our confidence has been limited and of course they’re viewing our competence without the imposed ceiling that our own Imposterism gives us – the lens of self-doubt I often talk about.

The important thing to note is that this ceiling is moveable and that it doesn’t have to impact our competence and confidence unless we let it.

Is your Imposterism putting a ceiling on your confidence?  Let's work together to remove the imposterism ceiling on your competence.

With workshops, coaching programmes and online courses, get in touch to discuss how I can help you.

Book a free call here and let’s chat.

Managing imposter experience with humility

I’m often asked in my workshops when we work on confidence and humility, what if I become too confident? We worry that by implementing strategies to offset Impostorism we’ll go too far the other way. It’s particularly prevalent in our humble, modest kiwi culture where the fear of being a tall poppy exists.
We often consider modesty and humility as the same as self deprecation and that to own our strengths, know our worth and celebrate our successes all of a sudden renders us narcissists!

There is an opposite to Imposter Syndrome and it’s called Dunning Kruger Effect named the guys who coined the phrase. If Imposterism is someone who’s good at what they do but doesn’t think they are then Dunning Kruger is the opposite. Someone who thinks they’re really good at something but often isn’t.

The Dunning-Kruger Effect is a cognitive bias where people who perform poorly on a certain task tend to overestimate their own performance. The problem is twofold, since not only do people have a certain inability, they are also unable to acknowledge their inability, therefore overestimating their capabilities.

I frequently am told all about someone’s 3 week trip to New Zealand ten years ago when I tell them I live there or when I mention I’ve studied and taught meditation for a decade a man once volunteered his knowledge on the subject by saying “I’m not a meditator but what I understand about mindfulness is….”

Wouldn’t it be a good thing to have this kind of confidence people often ask me? I respond by asking them if they like working with people who fit this description? Do they think of them as good performers? Would they select them for a job? Invite them to a dinner party? – you get the idea! Having low self-awareness and an arrogance about your capability isn’t an attractive quality. Yes it may get you a promotion (how many incompetent people get over promoted because of their confidence?) but they get found out eventually because they don’t deliver, they’re unable to perform at the level they pitch themselves at.

So if the Dunning-Kruger Effect is a cognitive bias where people who perform poorly on a certain task tend to overestimate their own performance. Imposter experience is a bias that is cognitively predisposed towards our failings and why we’re not good enough, struggles to acknowledge our skills and successes therefore thinks that everyone else is over rating us and one day we’ll get found out. We perform well but we can’t see it! It’s illusionary superiority (DK) versus illusionary inadequacy.

Both are a combination of our confidence and capability or competence, as shown below. With little of either the chances are we’re an underachiever. Where our confidence outweighs our competence we’re experiencing the Dunning Kruger effect and the opposite of course is Imposter Syndrome (where our competence outweighs our confidence). Of course what we’re aiming for is an alignment and for those with Imposter Experience this means gaining the confidence to match our competence. When we have both of these we are peak performers and can own our space. We finally believe in the abilities we have and it matches reality!

Find out more in my workshops and coaching programmes that have helped hundreds of teams do exactly this.

The Christmas Load

The Christmas Load

I remember the joy and wonder of Christmas as a kid.  I grew up in the UK so it was all about lights, open fires, carols round the tree and a bit of snow.  From an early age I remember my biggest joy thinking about what kind of presents I would buy for people.  I’d have a list of what I thought people would like and then I’d have a miscellaneous box of things I’d brought because they looked nice and I wasn’t sure who would get them but knew they’d like them because I did.

Now days we hear a lot about the stress of Christmas.  Marketing campaigns send us into a frenzy of debt and overload in order to have the ‘perfect’ Christmas.  To deliver on the expectation that we’ll buy more stuff for people who don’t want or need it and that our kids won’t feel loved unless we shower them with gifts.  That the dinner table is never full, more is better and we need to impress the family.  The tree must be real, bushy and decorated like the magazines.  You get the idea and if we buy into it it’s exhausting.  We talk about the summer break but for many there’s another full time job waiting for us once work has finished for the year.

As a kid I was blissfully unaware of the work Mum put into Christmas.  Not just presents and cards but all the social organising and family gatherings, food shopping and event planning.  This was after a year of working full time and how she spent her precious ‘Christmas break’ – like me thought she loves giving and choosing things for people, little things where it really is the thought that counts.  We were never well off so it had to be the thought counting! 

I remember opening a present one Christmas morning and Dad saying “that’s nice who got you that?”, the tag said with love from Mum and Dad. “You did” I said.

We talk a lot about the mental load or the invisible load and I think women are great at making this look so easy it often appears invisible.  Families don’t see the workload that goes into making Christmas great, not to mention the careful balance of all the family dynamics and relationships across a festive period marinated in booze! 

And of course we can’t complain.  It’s for the kids, it’s the joy of Christmas and all the other stories we tell ourselves or we’ve grown up being told.  This reoccurring theme of sacrificing ourselves for the good of the family, being last on our own list and the one who has to think about and organise everything surfaces at Christmas too.

Whether you buy into the Christmas spirit or not, when we strip back the marketing messages we get at this time of year Christmas for me is about gratitude for all we have, reflecting on the year that’s gone, celebrating that we those closest to us and welcoming in another New Year with the hope and promise that brings.

This year in particular has been difficult and the uncertainty continues to sit over us like a storm cloud.  A yet the silver lining for many Aucklanders is that we can now cross boundaries and visit friends and family and plan for our Christmas holidays, whilst also being cautious and safe.

Then of course there’s the ones who really do have it hard at Christmas.  Those who’ve lost loved ones, those on their own or those in abusive relationships.  It is not always a time of celebration and remembering what matters. 

Less is always more and what really matters is not the stuff that causes us stress at Christmas but it’s easy to lose that in the noise.  These days we’ve taken to buying food boxes and charity donations in place of presents.  It’s better for the environment as well less clutter for our already filled homes.

So this year I’m thinking about the things that make Christmas great, the fond family memories.  The choice we have about how we approach the festive season and the reminder that it is also for those of us in the southern hemisphere our summer holiday.  Make sure you do something for you, get a break over the break and take a moment amid the chaos to appreciate the small things, the things that matter and the meaning of the festive season.

The things I’m grateful for; like being able to have food on our table and be together despite spending another Christmas away from my UK based family I’m happy it’s in the summer for a change!

Stay safe this Christmas

Arohanui

Jess

The confidence continuum

I’m often asked in my workshops when we work on confidence and humility. What if I become too confident? We worry that by implementing strategies to offset Imposterism we’ll go too far the other way. It’s particularly prevalent in our humble, modest kiwi culture where the fear of being a tall poppy exists.
We often consider modesty and humility to be the same as self deprecation and that to own our strengths, know our worth and celebrate our successes all of a sudden renders us narcissists!

There is an opposite to Imposter Syndrome and it’s called Dunning Kruger Effect named the guys who coined the phrase. If Imposterism is someone who’s good at what they do but doesn’t think they are then Dunning Kruger is the opposite. Someone who thinks they’re really good at something but often isn’t.

The Dunning-Kruger Effect is a cognitive bias where people who perform poorly on a certain task tend to overestimate their own performance. The problem is twofold, since not only do people have a certain inability, they are also unable to acknowledge their inability, therefore overestimating their capabilities.

I frequently am told all about someone’s 3 week trip to New Zealand ten years ago when I tell them I live there or when I mention I’ve studied and taught meditation for a decade a man once volunteered his knowledge on the subject by saying “I’m not a meditator but what I understand about mindfulness is….”

Wouldn’t it be a good thing to have this kind of confidence people often ask me? I respond by asking them if they like working with people who fit this description? Do they think of them as good performers? Would they select them for a job? Invite them to a dinner party? – you get the idea! Having low self-awareness and an arrogance about your capability isn’t an attractive quality. Yes it may get you a promotion (how many incompetent people get over promoted because of their confidence?) but they get found out eventually because they don’t deliver, they’re unable to perform at the level they pitch themselves at.

So if the Dunning-Kruger Effect is a cognitive bias where people who perform poorly on a certain task tend to overestimate their own performance. Imposter experience is a bias that is cognitively predisposed towards our failings and why we’re not good enough. We struggle to acknowledge our skills and successes therefore thinking that everyone else is over rating us and one day we’ll get found out. We perform well but we can’t see it! It’s illusionary superiority (Dunning Kruger) versus illusionary inadequacy (Imposter).

Both are illusionary and a mismatch of our confidence and capabilities in opposite directions. What we’re aiming for is the middle ground.

On this continuum we have debilitating self doubt at one end which is when Imposter Experience is left unchecked and worsens. At the opposite end, if arrogance, ego and overconfidence gets to its worst it’s probably narcissism right? Described as a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for attention and admiration!

Each of these terms Dunning Kruger and Imposter experience exist on the continuum and the sweet spot we’re all aiming for is an alignment of capability and confidence in the middle. For that, those with imposter syndrome need to gain more confidence to match their abilities and those with Dunning Kruger may need to be less confident in their abilities. Both need to be closer to reality than their confidence allows them to believe!

The Great Resignation

According to management professor Anthony Klotz, the ‘Great Resignation’ is upon us. Having had more than a year to re-evaluate life priorities, Klotz predicts that as employees are asked to return to ‘normality’ and their daily commute to their office jobs, this will result in a Great Resignation.

According to a Microsoft survey of 30,000 people from around the world, 41% of employees are considering quitting in the next year.  But why now, especially in a world that’s so uncertain and so many worries about the economic impacts of change.  Historically these kinds of events have led to people wanting more security and staying put but we know there’s never been anything quite like this before.  This event is different, it’s been a global tectonic shift, and so may be the impact.

This unique events that have unfolded with the global pandemic may have led to more stress and uncertainty but also to an opportunity to gain perspective, reconsider and make different choices.  I think we’re also less prepared to settle given what we’ve been through and more inclined to make a change.  But what does this mean for us as we head into 2022?

Much of the information on this subject is pointing to it being an employees market right now, with a talent shortage, head hunting and many on the move.  But it’s not just career related.  We’re seeing the same principles play out in the towns we live in, relationships and even social media accounts.  The great resignation is about more than us quitting our jobs and 2022 could well be the year of great change as we readjust to life post pandemic.

For some being at home with family gave them time to evaluate what they really wanted - with many realising that was more work/life balance. Everything has seemed harder this year and the mental health implications of this ongoing global pandemic and strain it puts on daily life has also been a contributing factor for a rethink for many.

Additionally, how and where we work is changing, more flexibility and more opportunities.  Remote working has changed the face of the job market and led to many reconsidering their city offices and city homes in a mass resignation to the countryside now the daily commute isn’t required.

Here in Aotearoa less skilled migrants have been able to come into the country (and many others leaving to go home) means more heading hunting of local talent and a shortage of supply.  We’re in hot demand so the choices go up.  At the same time our satisfaction may have gone down because of the pandemic working pressures or feeling neglected as organisations cut pay in favour of offsetting covid losses.

There have also been some who’ve chosen to retire early, sell houses in the market boom, use savings made over the last 2 years of not going anywhere to re-evaluate career changes or part time working.

Either way you look at it Covid is leaving us to question what is normal about our new normal and which bits of normal do we want to return back to.  Whether it’s spending lockdown with someone we actually would rather not be with.  Going back into an office that suffocates our soul.  Or for some the opposite and a realisation of how lucky we are and a new appreciation for all that we have, gratitude for the simple things in life that we realise now are the ones that matter.

It's not surprising to me that this kind of event is having an impact and a shift in our perspective.  I had one in my own life approximately a decade ago.  It was like an earthquake in my soul that caused a tectonic shift in everything as I placed back the pieces.  What followed was my own personal great resignation.  I left my HR career and started writing books.  I left my beach house in Raglan and went to live in Asia for a while.  I left my long term relationship and came out.  I also experienced a massive shift in habits favouring ashrams to restaurants and bars for a while!

I liken it to finding the right ladder and here’s how that played out for me.  From an early age we’re conditioned to climb the ladder, whether that be in our career prospects and promotions, salary scales or getting married and starting a family.  Usually this ladder is based on societal expectations of us and we begin climbing to conform and because we’re told success is at the top of the ladder.  This was true for me only to realise when I got to the top “Shit, wrong ladder”  Once we reach the top it’s not uncommon to find we’ve been on the wrong ladder and this is what we’re seeing as part of the great resignation.   

So here’s me on my two ladders over the last decade and after changing my ladder and climbing again this recent shift post pandemic has lead me to believe that it’s not actually about the ladder at all.  Perhaps the perspective we can gain is that we can stop climbing?

It might resonate for you if you’re going through your own great resignation or simply considering how to put the pieces back together following the pandemic and 2 years of uncertainty.  Which bits of normal are you wanting to return to? 

Looking for support in a career change?  Check out my 2021 book I Love Mondays for practical guidance and strategies.  After all there’s probably been no better time to design your career around your wish list!

too many dreams and limiting beliefs

It’s been a long time coming but I’m finally in my new home and back with my family.  It’s everything we wanted and more, like a dream house.  Walking around we have to pinch ourselves and remember that we live here, it’s like being on holiday at a luxury airbnb.

Personally it’s been a tough few weeks, moving out of Wellington the day before we went into lock down, being displaced and locked down with the in laws for 6 weeks whilst we wait to get into Auckland.  Which eventually coincides with my long awaited trip to see my UK based family who’ve I’ve been apart from for the longest time ever.  To then return to MIQ and a 14 day stint locked up and the feelings of guilt that my wife, who’ve I missed, had to move all by herself.  Then the resulting hangover from solitary confinement.

So I’m appreciating this so much and so grateful but I’ve also noticed a funny feeling that comes with dreams and goals – a bit of guilt and a bit of who am I to have all this, is this too many dreams?

Over the last 12 months I’ve secured my dream island move, phenomenal business growth and married my wife.  Who am I to have all this?  Do you ever get this feeling that someone’s going to come along and take it back, say it was a mistake, you got too many dreams, life shouldn’t be this good?

It's true for many women, who grew up in traditional cultures like the one I did.  We’re taught to be humble, not expect too much and not to get above your station.  Dreams are not for the likes of us, success should be hard work, don’t be an inconvenience to others and what ever you do stay small, don’t be noticed, and definitely don’t outshine those around you.

You see, we’re conditioned to play safe, stay small and not take risks or get ‘above your station’.  “Don’t aim too high you’ll only make a fool of yourself.  Who do you think you are?”  Sound familiar?

It’s something that’s come up as I’ve written about the pursuit of brilliance in my new book.  We often fear becoming too brilliant.  Those closest too us may discourage us from aiming too high, often out of love and a sense of protecting us.

It taught us to stay small, not take up space and deflect any praise we ever got.  To feel guilty in the face of success and constantly worry we were not good enough or deserving of success – that one day it’ll all come crashing down, or we’ll get found out.

What if I fail or even worse what if I don’t and all of a sudden I’m taking up all this space and outshining those around me?  These common feelings and subconscious baggage from our upbringings that can lead to self sabotage and imposter experience.

It’s a whisper in the face of your success that says ‘who are you to be here, this space does not belong to you – stick with the script’.  I’d actually say, ignore the voice of the past and rewrite the script.  Appreciate every moment and yes it won’t always be easy but enjoy being at the summit of the mountain because new peaks come, so do storms and the chances are it’s been a long sweat to reach the top.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?” Marianne Williamson

Should we stop telling people they have Imposter Syndrome?

It’s a topic of discussion that’s come up a lot this year; should we stop telling women they have Imposter Syndrome?  Is it really the fault of the organisation and an excuse that arises from what is actually discrimination and bias that leaves us feeling not good enough, that we need fixing?

My thoughts on this are yeah, nah.  Here’s why.

Yes I agree with organisational responsibility to fix broken systems, do more in the equality space and address bias, but it’s not all about workplace culture.  These things will exacerbate Imposter Syndrome (or Experience as I call it) but it doesn’t explain imposter experience in those who work in thriving cultures or those of privilege who also share these feelings.  People like Dr Ashley Bloomfield who openly talks about his Imposter Experience despite being a middle aged white male in a government lead by a globally acclaimed leader.

I think if we lump the two together we risk throwing the baby out with the bath water.  It’s like saying let’s stop giving free lunches at school because we need to solve child poverty – both are required and are a supporting mechanism whilst the larger task progresses.

We’re talking about 2 separate things here and one doesn’t mutually exclude the other.  Imposter Experience won’t go away if we fix our systems.  It doesn’t exist because of bad workplace culture.  In fact, supporting people with Imposter Experience helps bridge the gap, to support people to exist in cultures that may still be a work in progress.  So fix the culture yes but also support the Imposter Experience.

Workplace culture is an external environment.  Imposter experience is an internal one.  The one thing we have the biggest influence over as individuals is our internal environment, how we think and how we choose to show up.  This isn’t to say there’s something wrong with us or it’s a problem we need to fix.  It’s acknowledging a reality that exists in many high achievers and something that if left unchecked can halt our progress or lead us to dim our light.

Rather than the minority being ‘supported’ to fit in we need to gain the self-efficacy to feel comfortable standing out.  To bring what is different about us knowing it’s a strength and a super power that sets us apart in a good way rather than making us different and feel like we need to be more like the norms we see around us.  That’s why I’m passionate about the Imposter Experience work I do and after many years of running workshops, I’ve also seen the impact on thousands of people across multiple countries .

If we stop focusing on Imposter Experience and say it’s actually down to workplace culture we are left with a problem we’ve already been trying to fix for over a hundred years.  I don’t think they are mutually exclusive.  In fact whilst we’re still trying to fix our broken systems, gain equality, stamp out discrimination we also need support with the realities that exist regardless of our cultures – like Imposter Experience.  So do both.

If the lens we look through is clouded by self doubt it doesn’t matter about your organisations policies, quotas or women in leadership initiatives.  You’ll not back yourself, you won’t apply for the promotion and you won’t feel like you’ve earned your place at the table.  Navigating imposter experiences helps individuals do this and therefore improve cultures along the way.

I know from my Imposter Experience research that there’s a lot of power in having the conversation, normalising these feelings and giving them a label.  Imposter Experience is about our self-efficacy, the way we view our capabilities.  It’s not about fitting in or belonging, that’s different.

Imposter Experience is not bullying, discrimination, bias or toxic cultures – they exist on the external.  My view is this isn’t about fixing people, it’s about supporting them to own their space.  It’s helping people remove that lens of self-doubt to gain confidence in what they bring to the table.

What's the difference between being busy and productive?

It’s an interesting question because most of us have been conditioned to believe that the busier we are the more productive we’ll be. We live in a world that prioritises quantity over quality – more is always better. The more hours you work the more valued you are as an employee, the more successful you’ll be, the more you’ll earn. Until we burn out. Then we’re not productive or valuable to anyone!

Busyness is fashionable, we wear busy like a badge of honour. It means we’re needed, valuable and productive. This attachment to busy has become a marker of our self-worth and we cling to it.

Our societies attachment to busy means we no longer value the opposite of busy – we see down time as a waste of time. Do you feel selfish or guilty for taking time out for you? Even though it’s not just you that benefits from that time out. Imagine what a better partner, parent, worker, person you are when you’re not stressed out and tired?

It’s a concept I refer to as slowing down to speed up which I know sounds counter intuitive but bear with me! If we slow down, take time out, make time for self-care we find we become more effective and therefore speed up. Because tasks don’t take as long, decisions are easier to make and problems easier to solve, we can think clearly and we make less mistakes. This is the concept of slowing down that then enables us to speed up because we’re more effective.

It’s this difference between busy and productive and they don’t mean the same thing. In fact the busier you are the chances are the less effective you’re going to be.

We live in a world where we’ve been taught more is always better and a focus on quantity, that we should multi task, do more things in less time and that there’s never enough. It’s not a coincidence that burnout has become so prevalent.

However more is not necessarily better, especially where performance is concerned. We can work hard but only to a point. Without the necessary balance and down time the hard work starts to become ineffective. We hit a point at peak performance where further quantity starts to impact on the quality of what we produce. This is the time we’re more likely to make mistakes, less likely to innovate and less tolerant with those we’re working with. At this point more quantity starts to decrease performance until we eventually hit burnout.

That’s what I’ve charted below in this model. If we can do enough to hit peak performance without doing too much that we lose our effectiveness we’ve hit the sweet spot.

This is why I’m so passionate about teaching people how to slow down to speed up, the difference between busy and productive and how to perform at our peak. It leads to less overwhelm and burnout and ensures we are a sustainable resource.

Get in touch to talk about running this workshop for your business. Book a call here to chat further.