The Christmas Load
I remember the joy and wonder of Christmas as a kid. I grew up in the UK so it was all about lights, open fires, carols round the tree and a bit of snow. From an early age I remember my biggest joy thinking about what kind of presents I would buy for people. I’d have a list of what I thought people would like and then I’d have a miscellaneous box of things I’d brought because they looked nice and I wasn’t sure who would get them but knew they’d like them because I did.
Now days we hear a lot about the stress of Christmas. Marketing campaigns send us into a frenzy of debt and overload in order to have the ‘perfect’ Christmas. To deliver on the expectation that we’ll buy more stuff for people who don’t want or need it and that our kids won’t feel loved unless we shower them with gifts. That the dinner table is never full, more is better and we need to impress the family. The tree must be real, bushy and decorated like the magazines. You get the idea and if we buy into it it’s exhausting. We talk about the summer break but for many there’s another full time job waiting for us once work has finished for the year.
As a kid I was blissfully unaware of the work Mum put into Christmas. Not just presents and cards but all the social organising and family gatherings, food shopping and event planning. This was after a year of working full time and how she spent her precious ‘Christmas break’ – like me thought she loves giving and choosing things for people, little things where it really is the thought that counts. We were never well off so it had to be the thought counting!
I remember opening a present one Christmas morning and Dad saying “that’s nice who got you that?”, the tag said with love from Mum and Dad. “You did” I said.
We talk a lot about the mental load or the invisible load and I think women are great at making this look so easy it often appears invisible. Families don’t see the workload that goes into making Christmas great, not to mention the careful balance of all the family dynamics and relationships across a festive period marinated in booze!
And of course we can’t complain. It’s for the kids, it’s the joy of Christmas and all the other stories we tell ourselves or we’ve grown up being told. This reoccurring theme of sacrificing ourselves for the good of the family, being last on our own list and the one who has to think about and organise everything surfaces at Christmas too.
Whether you buy into the Christmas spirit or not, when we strip back the marketing messages we get at this time of year Christmas for me is about gratitude for all we have, reflecting on the year that’s gone, celebrating that we those closest to us and welcoming in another New Year with the hope and promise that brings.
This year in particular has been difficult and the uncertainty continues to sit over us like a storm cloud. A yet the silver lining for many Aucklanders is that we can now cross boundaries and visit friends and family and plan for our Christmas holidays, whilst also being cautious and safe.
Then of course there’s the ones who really do have it hard at Christmas. Those who’ve lost loved ones, those on their own or those in abusive relationships. It is not always a time of celebration and remembering what matters.
Less is always more and what really matters is not the stuff that causes us stress at Christmas but it’s easy to lose that in the noise. These days we’ve taken to buying food boxes and charity donations in place of presents. It’s better for the environment as well less clutter for our already filled homes.
So this year I’m thinking about the things that make Christmas great, the fond family memories. The choice we have about how we approach the festive season and the reminder that it is also for those of us in the southern hemisphere our summer holiday. Make sure you do something for you, get a break over the break and take a moment amid the chaos to appreciate the small things, the things that matter and the meaning of the festive season.
The things I’m grateful for; like being able to have food on our table and be together despite spending another Christmas away from my UK based family I’m happy it’s in the summer for a change!
Stay safe this Christmas
Arohanui
Jess