Most of us feel uncomfortable accepting praise, and the negativity bias in our brain means we’re wired not to think of the positives so much – this combined with our modest culture and upbringing of course! We are predisposed to focus on the things we’re not good at rather than the things we are. We also emphasise this by spending a lifetime dwelling on this stuff and searching out evidence to prove ourselves right: we’re not as good as people think, and there are some fatal flaws within us that mean we’re not worthy and probably won’t succeed.
Our brains are predisposed to think more negatively. It’s how we’ve evolved and used to keep us safe. If we’re constantly scanning the horizon for the worst that can happen, we are able to react and prepare for that, which helped us survive back in the days of sabretooth tigers. However, in our modern life, this translates to noticing all the things we don’t like about ourselves, the things we’ve not got yet and what’s not gone well for us at work.
If I ask you to think of one negative thing that’s happened this week, it’ll probably come quite easy. Something that didn’t go well, someone who upset you? You’ll have probably been thinking about it for days since it happened and ruminating on it at night. Now, if I ask you the same question about something positive, it’s harder to recall; even if the positives outweigh the negatives for you this week, it’s the negatives we remember and reflect on.
We’re also very quick to move on to the next thing in our modern world so don’t spend time reflecting on the positive, what went well, why, what strengths we used. It’s about rewiring the neural pathways in our brain to see things more evenly. It’s not that life will be any different; we’ll just learn to see more of the positive as well as the negative.
Life has evolved at an amazing pace, and we’ve not caught up. Dr Barbara Fredrickson did a research study on positivity ratios and found to offset this bias that exists in the brain, we need a ratio of 3:1. That’s three positive thoughts, emotions or experiences to every one negative.
There’s a lot of work to be done in this space, as our negativity bias is like a well-worn walking track; we use it often so it’s smooth and easy to navigate. To even this out, we need to start firing more of the positive neural pathways and breaking down a less-travelled path in the brain, an overgrown track – you know those huts you find up in the mountains that have only been slept in once this year and are covered in moss? It’s like that and the chances are the track is more difficult to navigate, overgrown and steep.
So how can we counter this negativity bias and help train our brains to be a more positive place to be. It takes time, like training a muscle. We don’t go into the gym and pick up the heaviest weight, and this is similar. It’s not an overnight thing; we start small and build up – it takes practice.
The more we fire those positive neural pathways the more we’ll even out the bias and a more even positive distribution of thoughts will become our default state. It’s not that life changes but the lens we view it with does. We start to see the positives as well as the negatives.
It comes up often in my Imposter Syndrome courses. If we’re asking ourselves if we’re as good as people think or course a negative brain will only see evidence of why this is not true – further evidencing these feelings of not being good enough. However if we even out this bias to be a better reflection of reality that next time we ask ourselves that question we’ll see the answers have more evidence stacked in the positive corner to evidence what people are telling us – we are as good as they think!
One of the tools I love using for this (and still use today) is keeping a success diary.
This is my favorite strategy and started because I had a poor memory and wanted to prepare better for my annual performance reviews. By writing down the successes throughout the year, I got a lift each time I reflected on them. It provided evidence to offset my negativity bias and a place I could go to each time I doubted myself. These days, it’s an icon on my desktop because I’ve advanced technologically over the years, but choose what works for you. An inbox folder, a desktop icon and old fashion pen and paper journal or even a corkboard in your office with achievements and feedback from customers/clients attached.
Every time we add to this we’re walking down those overgrown tramping tracks and helping our brain retrain to see more of the positive. The negative will still be there sure but the voice won’t be as loud because we’ve been able to see a more even distribution of reality that includes some positives too.
If we were building our bicep muscle at the gym we’d keep doing the curls and the weight would build up until the muscle was naturally strong even when we weren’t at the gym lifting weights – it’s the same with our positive neural pathways in our brain.
My gratitude practice also helps me train the brain to be a more positive place to be and helps me notice more of the good that goes on. It’s a reminder every time I read feedback forms and notice one that’s not as good as the rest to check on my mind-set, the negativity bias, and ensure I’m seeing the full picture.
Check out the next Imposter Syndrome workshop or contact me to organise one for your business to learn more about overcoming your negativity bias and training the brain to be a more positive place.