Happiness

How to find the joy in every day

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Jumping-for-Joy

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect, it means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections".

It’s the question we’re all trying to find the answer to; what is happiness and how do we get it? We fill our lives with the business of searching for happiness in many things yet it is possible that the very pursuit is taking us further away from the goal.

We think happiness arrives at a point in the future when our lives become perfect with a backdrop of fireworks and fan fare without any disasters or annoyances. But in reality happiness does not come with a big ‘happiness’ label across it and is generally not in the form of winning lotto or a marriage proposal from Brad Pitt but is often more subtle and smaller.

For example; a sunny day at the beach, your favourite slippers, lying in the arms of the one you love on a lazy Sunday morning, – it’s all happiness we just need to learn to recognise it, appreciate it and cultivate it.

See the full article on Tiny Buddha;http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-find-joy-in-every-day-even-the-hard-ones/.

Stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out

This new article was just published on Tiny Buddha; the importance of being yourself in a world that wants you to be something else.

Read the full article by following the link below.

Stop trying to fit in when you were born to stand out!

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-trying-to-fit-in-and-start-embracing-your-true-self  

If happiness was a place (Bhutan)

Taktsang Monastery or Tigers Nest

Taktsang Monastery or Tigers Nest

Bhutan has always held an air of mystery for me, I didn’t know anyone who’d ever been and most people I spoke to hadn’t even heard of it, but as soon as I discovered there was a place that put Gross National Happiness before Gross Domestic Product I had to visit.

I knew it was a special place before I’d even arrived. We flew through the Paro valley and approached the airport through the cloud covered Himalayas, gliding past mountains that seem to insulate Bhutan from the outside world, it felt like I was descending into another realm.

Known as the land of the peaceful thunder dragon, Bhutan is a deeply Buddhist country, with a population of 700,000. It is a small Kingdom steeped in tradition, many of the people still wear the traditional Bhutanese dress and the traditional culture is something they are keen to preserve and delighted to share.

As a result of their Buddhist beliefs no animals are killed, this means meat is imported from India and street dogs are plentiful, however unlike most dishevelled strays on the streets of Asia these dogs look more like pets as they are so well looked after, it can get a bit noisy at night though!

Bhutan is the only country to measure its progress and growth in terms of happiness before GDP and is covered with 60% forest. It is a remote Kingdom between India and China yet nothing like either of its neighbours.

It is an unspoilt place of natural beauty, the air is fresh and the rivers clean. Set in the beautiful Himalayas, the altitude varies as we travel though the country, some mornings we are high up and it’s barely above 0 degrees but lower down in the cities it reached 27 degrees. The altitude also meant that some of the treks were done at a very slow pace but this seemingly reflected the pace throughout the country at all elevations!

Bhutan has a serenity and calmness to it, the pace of life is slower and the people are satisfied with the little they have, it seems to work very well and they have something so elusive to many richer countries; happiness. Education and health care are free here and even visitors who fall sick are treated for free. Because there is not the same consumer motivation around money there is no hassle to buy things, no danger of being conned and no staff trying to entice you into shops and restaurants.

As our tour began in Paro I immediately noticed the unique architecture, all the houses, shops and government buildings are built in the traditional Bhutanese way, white walls with wooden carvings and intimate detail usually reserved for buildings of note dawn every dwelling in Bhutan. It is like stepping back in time yet Bhutan has managed to retain its traditions and culture whilst still keeping up with the modern world.

Once in the countryside the charm of Bhutan becomes apparent, the air smells of pine forests and at every turn there is a mountain view, a deep gorge or an untouched natural forest. We took time to trek up to one of the most famous icons of Bhutan, the beautiful Taktsang Monastery or Tigers Nest as it is known which perches perilously close to the edge of a cliff at an elevation of 3,500m but the steep climb is well worth it.

The place feels sacred as soon as we enter as do many of the religious sites we visit. The temples were many and part of everyday local life rather than tourist attractions. The fact that photography wasn’t allowed inside meant we spent more time enjoying the moment and our focus was on what we’re experiencing.

Statues made of gold watched us as we moved through the rooms that were filled with an air of peace and tranquility, monks gave out holy water and accepted offerings as the flames from the butter lamps flickered and the smell of incense hung in the air.

Some of the temples we saw dated back to the seventh century, the walls were covered in the most detailed paintings depicting Buddhist stories. Locals made offerings and walked countless times around the Stupas whilst clutching their mala beads. There are prayer wheels and flags at every turn in the colours of the elements earth, wind, fire, water and forest. They look magical flaying over the mountains and the people here have coveted one of their main economies, hydro power, to ensure the prayer wheels turn continually.

The tour took a more energetic turn as we embarked on an overnight trek up to one of the oldest monastery’s Jele Dzong over the Jele pass and camped in the mountains overnight. The guides looked after us at every step, hot meals appeared out of nowhere high up in the hills, our tents were erected and dismantled for us and the bags seemed to follow us everywhere yet we never had to move them.

As we began steep climbs rather than the usual safety briefing, the advice was to go slow and enjoy the moment. I spent time watching the clouds move across the hills like smoke rising from below as the sound of monks chanting drifted across the dawn and rays of sunlight filtered down onto the villages below. We spent a couple of nights in the country’s capital city Thimphu.

The gorges here are not wide enough to fly into and it dawned on me as we sat having lunch that this must be the only capital city without an airport or a traffic light. They had tried to introduce a stop light at the busiest intersection (where dogs still sleep in the road) but it confused people so now there is a young, well dressed man in elegant white gloves who directs the traffic as if he is conducting an orchestra in a way that only the Bhutanese could.

On the way out of town we drove past the prison which apparently has 15 inmates, there is no capital punishment here, a life sentence is the penalty for murder but apparently there haven’t been any murders to test that! As we left Thimphu we drove back up into the mountains and we were welcomed into a local farmhouse in the village of Gangtey for an overnight stay with a Bhutanese farmer and his family. Seeing how the locals lived and sampling the food they cooked for us was a real glimpse into Bhutanese life.

70% of the local population live rurally on farms so there was no shortage of food, the local food is both simple and delicious and defined by the frequent accompaniment (with every meal) of their favourite red rice and chilli cheese.

Full of surprises our next destination didn’t disappoint. We stayed in Lobeysa the home of the divine madman and seemingly the country’s centre of fertility. Paintings of large phallus dawn every building and the temple Chime Lhakhang is frequently visited by couples who are struggling to conceive, here they receive a blessing for fertility, a name for their child and promise to return once they have given birth to say thank you, apparently it’s 100% successful!

One of the things that surprised me most was the standard of English for a country not heavily visited and only open to tourists since 1974. They have been learning English at school since the 50s long before tourism and it shows. I noticed at the front of the schools there were mottos such as ‘excellence in body, speech and mind’ and ‘meaningful living’; how I wished more kids across the world were being taught this sort of stuff.

Once we had done the most of our trekking we were treated to some scenic drives which my aching legs appreciated. We drove through the deep gorges of the magical Haa Valley and up to the highest road in Bhutan, the Chelela Pass where we caught glimpses of the snow capped Himalayan scenery through the mist. It was here at 4,000m elevation that we hung our prayer flags and began a trek down to the Kila Goempa nunnery.

We spent a lot of time driving such are the distances between towns and the mountainous terrain. Due to the monsoon seasons and an undeveloped road network, work is constant and ongoing. Our journeys by road were long, bumpy in places and sometimes terrifying as we clung to the sides of sheer cliff faces but also breathtakingly beautiful as the winding roads ascended through forests, mountains and villages, past cows, monkeys, dogs and villagers selling tea and dumplings at road blocks and school children cheerfully waving as we passed by.

We also took the opportunity to stop and watch a game of archery, the national sport of Bhutan before heading back to watch a local cultural dancing performance in the city. It is becoming easier to get to Bhutan but they are still determined to protect the country, ensuring sustainability and in keeping with their mantra of making decisions that are good for the people and good for the environment. All visits must be booked through a tour group and whilst there is no limit to tourist visas they are all subject to a daily visa fee (approx. $250US), whilst it may seem expensive the fee includes a guide, accommodation, food and transport and your tour can be as individual as you want to make it.

Despite the packed schedule, the days of trekking, cold nights camping and arduous road journeys I feel happy and at peace. Bhutan, its untouched landscape and its endearing people have made my soul sing and is unlike any place I’ve been before. As I prepare to leave, I feel exhausted yet still wanting more, I’d love to spend longer here but also consider myself lucky to have been to somewhere so unique. It warms my heart to know that there is a place in the world like this and that these people are living according to what matters.

The Power of Positive Thinking

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Check out the latest video blog a short 7 minute clip on the power of positive thinking. 

How to harness the power of the mind and use positive thinking to make us healthier and happier": http://youtu.be/nZEY87lVHsM

Optimists have a 50% lower risk of death (Mayo Clinic Study) “Human beings can alter their lives by altering their minds” William James.

We can’t always control what happens but we can control how we react to it. Happiness is a state of mind. Positive minds attract positive experience and the reverse is true. The happiness in our lives depends on the quality of our thoughts.

How to make changes to create a life you love

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“Change is not something we should fear. Rather it is something that we should welcome. For without change nothing in this world would ever grow or blossom, and no one in this world would ever more forward to become the person they’re meant to be”. BKS Iyengar

I recently published my story about leaving a job in the corporate world to pursue my dreams and I noticed from the responses that it resonated with so many people. People who, like me, were stuck in jobs or lives that made them unhappy but were not sure what they could do about it.   So in this blog I’ll answer the question I was asked repeatedly; how do you go about creating a life you love?It wasn’t an overnight success for me, nor was it an easy road. It was a decision I agonised over for years and at times it was too hard and the fear too great that even when opportunities presented themselves it sent me running back to what I knew, the familiar routine. But as Einstein said “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results”The bottom line is we need to learn to change what we don’t like or love what we can’t change. Taking a risk, head first into the unknown is scary but also liberating, it leads to us questioning ourselves and finding excuses not to take the harder route and to stay put. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” but rather than asking what we’re walking away from we should ask what we’re walking towards.What stops us?Change always seems so hard and for that reason we put it off for as long as we can and in doing this we are also postponing our happiness. We all have a choice in life and if we’re not living the life we want or we’re unhappy then we have the remote control, we can change the channel, but it may not be easy. As Seneca said; “It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”It is natural to experience fear as everyone who has done this has felt the same. We think; what if we can’t do it, we might fail, it’ll be hard, what will people think? We also have limiting beliefs that can hold us back: I’m not good enough, I haven’t got enough (money, skills, experience).Because it is hard we can find it so easy to procrastinate, they’ll always be an excuse, a barrier or a better time. We’re all guilty of playing it safe for fear of losing what we have, there is this perceived security which keeps us clinging on. We perceive security in our pay checks, the things we’re used to the status quo, even if these things do not make us happy. One of the main reasons people won’t leave jobs they hate is because they need the paycheck to pay the bills.Security comes in many other forms than financial and there are other ways to pay the bills, don’t let the perceived ‘security’ be an excuse for not taking action and taking a step out into the unknown. After all what is secure these days, jobs, money and relationships seem to come and go and are no longer the dependable stable foundations in our life we’d like them to be.So once we’ve dealt with our fears and our limiting beliefs the next question is how do we make it happen?Make it happenFor some we know what we want to do we’re just not sure how to make our dreams reality but for others it may just be that we know we’re unhappy where we are, we’re not sure where we’d rather be though. You don’t need all the answers, you don’t have to plan every detail, You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going, as long as you’re pointing in the right direction.If you need some clarity about what you’d rather be doing begin by writing down what you enjoy and what you’re good at, compare these lists, ask friends and colleagues for their input. Get to know who you really are and what you value. Write down everything you’d do if there were no limits (money, people, self believe etc). Consider how you’d like to be remembered or what is it about others that you admire most?Contemplate what limiting beliefs are holding you back and let go of these. Have courage and confidence that you’re capable and that anything is possible.Once you know what you want start by making a 1 year plan. Set goals about where you want to be and when, be specific about what you’ll be doing a year from now, how much will you earn, how many customers will have you, what hours will you work. It helps by visualising this and writing it down be clear about what you want but also sets your intention and makes it more real. It seems such a big and daunting task at first but nothing is ever too big, it can all be broken down into smaller bits.Then put that plan into action. Benjamin Disraeli said “Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” Start today, this may be updating your CV, registering with an agency, booking an online course or researching your new career path. There may be some voluntary opportunities to help you get new experience on your CV. If money is an issue sit down and work out a budget, see the bank and see if they can help temporarily as you work through things.It doesn’t have to be a sudden change from one to another, sometimes there is a transition, maybe you work part time in your current job until you’ve qualified, gain experience or built up work in your new field? Seek out like minded supportive people who’ll help encourage you along the way, widening your network in this way may also lead to opportunities.I always believe that opportunities will present themselves if we are open to them and in the right mindset, being open and thinking positive is also key to making the road a little smoother. It’s about taking small steps each day that bring us closer to our goal.“A journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step.” Lao Tzu

How to be alone without being lonely

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“You can’t be lonely if you have learned to love the person you're alone with”

We are living more separately now days than we did 30 years ago when social connection was a lot more common and science is now proving the impacts this has on our health. Loneliness is one of the top reasons people see a therapist in the US now and a recent study suggests that over 25% of Americans feel they don’t have any close friends with which they’d share a problem.

In the age of social media when we may have hundreds of friends on Facebook we are actually getting increasingly lonely. Whilst it is true that social connection is vital to our happiness this is not to be confused with co-dependency, this is fear of being alone that results in seeking our happiness in somebody else and relying on having another half to make us complete.

Over the last year I’ve learned that often we seek out others to plug holes in our own self and that no-one is designed to make us happy. Sometimes our fear of not wanting to be alone is a way of avoiding ourselves by being with someone else. It is nearly 12 months since I left a long term relationship and I’ve learned so much about myself since being single, about who I am and what I want. I think it’s crucial for everyone to spend time on their own at some point in their life and this can be a positive thing.

Having said that though, as a singleton, I am aware that as I progress through my thirties the longer I am single the more likely it is that I will acquire cats! I’ve gone through the lonely nights, the closing of a door that was such a big part of my life, the fear of the unknown and worrying about the future. But I enjoy cooking what I want for dinner and nobody complaining there’s no meat, not having turned the TV on for days, playing my own music at my own volume, spending lazy weekends doing as I please and most importantly having half a bar of chocolate and knowing the other half will still be in the fridge when I return to it.

It takes courage to leave a relationship and for some the prospect of being alone is too scary to handle which is why so many people remain in unhappy relationships. However, I’ve learned that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. When I took the time to be alone I found I had the solitude and freedom to enjoy my single life, learn about myself and spend time with me. It helped me develop the capacity within to make my own way without needing a companion or a guide.

As I adjusted to being on my own my fear of the unknown has become an excitement about the possibilities that exist, but I needed time on my own to figure this out. For a while it felt like a void, a nothingness, this is the gap between what we knew and felt familiar and what is yet to come.

Often engulfed by the fear of the unknown, we hang in this space of nothingness between the past and the future and sometimes despair at the uncertainty. But rather than being a big black scary hole of nothing, this time in between what was and what is yet to be is full of potential, full of opportunity. It is the beginning of the rest of your life, it is not a void at all but vibrant with absolute potential.

I have learned that we can be on our own without being lonely and that we can be alone but not empty. When we are lonely we are missing something or someone, it is a negative emotion and we feel a hole inside that needs to be filled. But when we’re alone, we are not lonely but in the presence of ourselves and can enjoy the freedom our solitude brings.

Live a life you don't need to escape from

happy man

happy man

Why I swapped my corporate suit for yoga pants.

Inspiration and advice for anyone who's feeling stuck, unhappy at work, contemplating a career change or wanting to follow their passion. 

Have a read of my latest blog on Tiny Buddha

"Instead of wondering when our next vacation is, we should set up a life we don't need to escape from", Seth Goldin http://tinybuddha.com/blog/imagine-living-a-life-you-dont-need-to-escape-from/

7 Steps to Happiness

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View this 7 minute clip on my You Tube Channel; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPbNK1TVuRg

Find out in 7 easy steps how to bring happiness into your life, filmed on a beautiful Indonesian island, worth watching for the view alone!

Gaining perspective in Bali & Lombok

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I recently set off on the trip of a lifetime, a month in Asia spending time in Bali, Kathmandu and Bhutan. As I sat at the airport waiting to leave I heard about the earthquake in Nepal. I managed to get to Bali although a day late but couldn’t get much further.

I like to have everything planned and this trip was no exception, the disruption made me uncomfortable and darkened my mood, as well as being told all my air tickets were non refundable and the insurance would not cover anything. I knew I should be grateful I was not in Nepal, I should also be putting this into perspective, my dramas are nothing compared to what these people are going through.

I reasoned with myself that feeling this way was ridiculous, I was a glass half full kind of person but I’d lost perspective and I’d lost the value of the present moment. I knew all this stuff inside out, I’ve written a book on it yet here I was given the ideal opportunity to practice it and failing miserably.

It got me thinking about the difference between intellectually understanding something and then actually putting it into practice. It’s like dieting, we know we shouldn’t eat cake and take aways but sometimes we do anyway. I had to have a very stern word with myself, followed by a long walk and some meditation a massage and a slice of cake! I began to gain perspective and like a fog lifting I realised I was lucky not just to be alive but to be on holiday in Bali. I felt grateful for what I had, that so many others do not have, particularly those in Nepal.

I no longer felt uncomfortable with not knowing, I knew it could be worse and I also knew it would turn out ok in the end, whatever was meant to be will be. We may not always get what we want, but we always get what we need and for me that was this lesson. This has taught me about perspective, positive thinking and not to be so hard on myself, we are all human after all. But the biggest lesson I take is about putting what we know into practice.

With so much information available to us we can know so much but what do we practice and experience? It’s this that makes the difference. And now for the travel bit……………………….Bali reminds me a lot of the Thai islands which I love, the people are happy and smiling, they have little but seem to make the best of it, the local food is fabulous, sunny days, rainy nights and laid back beaches. It also has the same annoyances; litter, hawkers, stray dogs and drunk backpackers. However Bali is not new to the tourist scene, they are more savvy and as a result have made much more money, prices are higher (although still very cheap compared to dollars) and flash resorts and glass fronted shops are around every corner.

It is much more westernised, they speak very good English and have a great sense of humour. As I ventured away from the main tourist spots I started to see local life unfold around me and particularly once I left Bali I noticed things like the 4:30am call to prayer from the local mosque in Lombok. I spent my first few days in Ubud, yes, mainly because I watched eat pray love! I went to yoga barn, stocked up on cheap clothes from the market, visited the monkey forest and was asked 100 times per day if I wanted a taxi.

In fact I got so used to saying ‘no, thanks’ as I walked down the street that I pre empted one guy and said it before he’d finished his sentence. Turns out he wanted to ask me how I was. I felt rude so apologised, said “I am fine thanks, how are you?” He said “I’m fine, you want taxi?”.

After dealing with the initial travel disruptions and finding I had more time on my hands I decided I needed to head to my happy place and be by the beach. Ubud is good to see but I miss wide open spaces and being able to walk in places that are not crowded with motor vehicles, pollution and people so I headed to Lombok. Spending time in Lombok, which is not as busy as Bali and newer to tourism I found the people to be friendly and after a few days calling out my name as I walked down the street.

They took a particular shine to my greenstone and some knew about Maori and were fascinated to talk about NZ. The kids either wanted to hi-five me or have their photo taken with me, either way I felt like a bit of a film star walking down the street. After spending a few days in Lombok I am ready to venture to the Gilli islands just off the coast. They say there is a Gilli island for everyone so I looked at which may suit me;

    1. Gilli Trawangan – ‘party hard, backpacker heaven’ – no way, too old for this shit

    2. Gilli Meno – ‘not much here, perfect for getting away from it but don’t expect wifi and restaurants’ – what no food, no way!

    3. Gilli Air – ‘somewhere in between the 2, a laid back place, snorkelling, eateries, but not as crazy as Gilli T’ – perfect, this has my name written all over it

So next stop Gilli Air, for beach, yoga and snorkelling and if I’m feeling energetic there’s a 5km walk around the island. I’ve gained my perspective, I’ve learned a lot (mostly about myself) and I’ve gained a sun tan and perhaps a few extra pounds in weight but have been lucky to see more of Bali, it’s not a bad place to be stranded and despite using up huge chunks of my savings I’ve rebooked to go to Bhutan from Bangkok and hope to still be able to do that part of the trip before leaving Asia, but whatever’s meant to be will be, where we are is where we’re meant to be.

Lessons Learned Living Life

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I’d spent the last 15 years planning what I wanted my life to be like and writing bucket lists of all the things I wanted to achieve one day then I realised that had actually been my life and I needed to start living my dreams not just thinking about them.

My search for happiness took me around the world only to arrive back where I started to find it had been with me all along. After 15 years as a Human Resources professional climbing the corporate ladder I had enough, I felt empty and anything but the ‘success’ my life looked like from the outside. This lead to a change for me, I took 12 months out to write a book, travel the world, volunteer and became a yoga teacher.

I learned more about life during this time that any number of years at school or hours in leadership courses has taught me, here are 50 lessons I have learned from living life;

    1. Before you love anyone else, first you must love yourself

    2. Nothing is out of your reach, unless you put it there

    3. Know which direction you want to go before you set off

    4. Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food (Socrates)

    5. If you let go of excess baggage that you no longer need you’ll make room for what you really want

    6. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading the last one

    7. It’s not what you’re walking away from, it’s what you’re walking towards

    8. Stretch yourself and grow, learn new things

    9. Balance is not something you find, it’s something you create

    10. Laugh everyday, even at yourself

    11. You are not defined by your bank account, street address, job title

    12. You make a living by what you get but you make a life by what you give

    13. You don’t always have to have all of the answers

    14. You do not need to have valuable stuff to feel valued

    15. Don’t try so hard to fit in if you were born to stand out

    16. You define your own success

    17. The time is now be in the present moment

    18. Sometimes you have to disconnect to reconnect

    19. By slowing down you’ll find you have more time

    20. The quieter you become the more you can hear

    21. You can’t always control what happens to you but you can control how you react to it

    22. Instead of wondering when our next vacation is we should set up a life we don’t need to escape from (Seth Goldin)

    23. You can’t learn to surf without getting wet (John Kabat Zinn)

    24. Live simply so that others can simply live

    25. There’s always enough time if you spend it doing the things that matter

    26. Don’t be so busy making a living that you forget to make a life

    27. We are what we think, our thoughts make our world

    28. There are no mistakes only lessons

    29. Happiness isn’t about getting what you want it’s about loving what you have

    30. I can be wealthy even when my purse is empty

    31. Don’t chase your dreams, live them

    32. Don’t change so people will like you, be yourself so the right people will love you

    33. Everyone is fighting their own battles, always be kind

    34. Insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results (Einstein)

    35. We should measure in value not in price

    36. You can do anything you want but you can’t do everything you want

    37. Do what you love and love what you do and you will be successful

    38. That man is poor, not who has little but who hankers after more (Seneca)

    39. You can’t change anyone but yourself

    40. Not all those who wander are lost

    41. You don’t have to see the whole staircase to take the first step

    42. Security is not having things it’s handling things

    43. It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult (Seneca)

    44. A journey of a thousand mile begins with a single step (Lao Tzu)

    45. Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action. (Benjamin Disraeli)

    46. Everyone who got where they are started from where they were.

    47. Live as though you’ll die tomorrow, but dream as though you’ll live forever

    48. Some pursue happiness, others create it

    49. Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. (Robert Brault)

    50. The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be, (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Travelling light

 What having nothing taught me about having everything.

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I’d just turned 30, in the prime of my life and I had everything; I lived in a house overlooking the beach, I had a top corporate job with a flash car, I was living the dream as some of my friends suggested but I was increasingly unfulfilled, I felt weighed down and trapped by the stuff I had and the rat race I was part of.

So when I turned 31 I decided to try a different tact and opted for the simple life. I quit my job, my house and gave most of my possessions away. I wanted a taste of the simple life, made up of what really matters, making room for real things, the things that are necessary for happiness.

I took the advice I’d read about that seemed to work so well for others and got rid of everything in my life that didn’t make me happy and made room for the things that would. It was like unpacking the suitcase of my life that I’d been dragging around for the last 30 years getting heavier and heavier and I was determined to only put back what I needed and what was good for me.

I set off on a journey across the world doing the things that made my heart sing. I lived in Ashrams, volunteered in Northern Thailand and visited all the countries I’d longed to see. Before I left I’d laid out all the things on the bed I thought I’d need and then realised half of it was not going to fit in the bag and after much culling I had a backpack ready to go which I couldn’t lift off the floor. It’s surprising what you really need when you can only pack the bare essentials and nothing encourages you to pack light than having to carry it around on your back for 12 months!

I found that by clearing out the things I didn’t enjoy I had time and space to do more of the things I did. I realised I could make do with one pair of shoes, I didn’t need a wardrobe overflowing with clothes I’d only wore once, I could live without Wi-Fi if I had to as checking Facebook daily was not as important as my usage suggested.

If there was something I needed that I didn’t have I made do with what I had, found an alternative or went without. What really brought this home was seeing how others lived, the hill tribes villages of northern Thailand where the kitchen consisted of a fire to cook on and a floor to sit on, there was no oven, dishwasher, dinning table or dinner service.

However the room was filled with what mattered; family, love, laughter and more than enough food to go around. Spending time living the simple life you realise how little we actually do need and by not having it how much more room you have for things in your life that really matter.

We have put too much emphasis on having many things and it’s easy to make the mistake of thinking that if you have something you want you’ll be happier with more. We struggle in the modern world with debt, obesity and addiction as a result of this mantra. But as Seneca put it “that man is poor, not who has little but who hankers after more”.

At some point in our lives we are forced to reduce the amount we have, whether it’s financial reasons, divorce, sickness, natural disaster or eventually death. Guess what we won’t take with us when the inevitable happens, everything.  

Having less stuff does not mean less quality of life and this is clear to me now. It opens more space in your life for the fun stuff, the things that really matter, there’s less to clean, insure and pack each time you move! Going on this journey taught me how to appreciate the things we take for granted each day. Cold fresh water, a comfy bed with a nice warm duvet, a spare seat on the bus, having your own room.

Living simply has also taught me to be grateful for what I have. When you don’t have something and miss it you realise how grateful you are that it’s there, whether this is your bed or your family, it’s the simple things that matter.

5 things to help create the life you deserve

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Have you ever thought “it shouldn’t be this hard” or “there must be more to life than this”? What do those who are happy and fulfilled do differently and how can we get a piece of the action?

Start by asking yourself these questions; When do you feel most alive, what inspires you and makes your heart sing? Life often feels harder than it should be, we’re left thinking, what’s it about, how do I change things and how can I find a way off this wheel? It doesn’t have to be this way, we should not be so busy making a living that we forget to make a life.

We can be rich and ‘successful’ (and many of us would like to be) but this does not necessarily leave us feeling fulfilled. Being happy and living with purpose is very different from society’s model of ‘success’ we’ve been led to believe holds the key to our happiness.

Try these 5 simple tips to create a life you deserve; 

1.  Learn something new

Continuous growth is important, we all like to have something to aim for. Our ambitions and goals gives us a sense of direction and satisfaction when we achieve what we set out to do. Whether it’s a dance class you’ve wanted to start, learning to draw or a language you want to learn it stimulates your mind and soul and stretches you to challenge yourself and achieve.

2.  Let go

Lao Tzu said “To become learned each day add something, to become enlightened each day drop something”. Clearing clutter, removing blocks makes room in your life for the things that matter. When you clean your house it feels more orderly and balanced, in the same way, letting go of what no longer serves you makes room for things that do.

We live in a world where we feel we have to have things to be happy, it leads us on an endless pursuit of material possessions, upgrading the car, extending the house, buying more accessories. We feel we have to ‘have’ things to be free when it’s the opposite. Our struggle to hold onto things brings the very pain we are trying to avoid, we are terrified of letting go for fear we’ll have nothing but this is the true path to living.

If you have been hurt by someone and you still hold anger and resentment because of it, you are letting them hurt you again. Forgiveness sets you free, let go of resentment. “Holding onto anger is like holding a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else, you are the one that gets burned” Buddhist saying.

3.  Give

It gives us a sense of purpose and that warm feeling that we’ve helped someone in need. It doesn’t have to be big money donations to charity, helping an old lady across the road with her shopping or letting a car in front of you in a traffic queue and other small random acts of kindness are equally important.

The root of all happiness comes from giving to others and wanting them to be happy. Studies show that giving to others makes us happier, when groups of people were given the same amount of money to spend on themselves or on others it was those who spent it on others that reported feeling happier.

Researchers at the University of Exeter Medical School analysed data from 40 published studies and found evidence that volunteers had a 20 percent lower risk of death than their peers who do not volunteer.

4.  Find your purpose

Finding your purpose, why are you here, what’s it all about, what makes your life worth living. What’s important to you, what would you do and who would you be if money and other barriers were no object, what sort of person would you be, how would you like to be remembered?

We often get our sense of self from what we do (e.g. I’m a mother, a lawyer, a widow). You are more than your job title or your social status, this should not define you or be who you are, it is just what you do.

Work is something we spend so much of our time doing we should ensure for a happy life that we enjoy it and it brings us a sense of purpose and satisfaction. Yet so many of us leave our souls behind when we go to work. Don’t ask ‘what do I want to do’ ask ‘what kind of life do I want to have?’

5.  Do what you love

It can be the small things like a walk along the beach, playing with the dog, visiting your favourite coffee shop, sitting down to read a good book or bigger things like travelling the world, skydiving or simply a night in with the family. Think about what makes your heart sing and incorporate things you love into every day. If you do what you love you will be successful.

Tis the season to be grateful

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So the ‘stress’ of Christmas is over, the presents have been opened, we’ve filled ourselves with an abundance of food and we hopefully are now able to relax and breathe, at least until the credit card statement arrives!

It can certainly seem a lot more complicated these days than it used to be. For me Christmas is about family, living overseas this is one of the few times I get to be with my family and as we sit having Christmas dinner pulling crackers across the table I can’t help but feel grateful for the time we have together, the abundance of things that really matter and how fortunate we are in a world where so many others are not.

At this time of year I am also reminded of Christmases past and those family members who can no longer be with us and wish that I’d really taken the time to appreciate the big Christmas gatherings we had when we were children. The joy of Christmas and being with those we love, those times can never be repeated and during the moment we often overlook this.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault

I look at the fridge bulging with food and the presents under the tree and I’m grateful, but it’s so easy to take these things for granted in our overdeveloped world, we run the risk of forgetting it’s not like this for everyone and we are in fact very lucky.

This Christmas I travelled home through Thailand where I volunteered with under privileged children. Seeing how happy these kids are when they have so little made me think long and hard about gratitude.

We have a habit of focusing on what we haven’t got instead of all the things we’re lucky to have, even the basics like food, warmth, health, education, freedom. It is human nature to focus on the tiny bits that are not right rather than the large chunks that are. We overlook the good stuff and tend to concentrate on what could be better. This leave us feeling dissatisfied and always wanting more but that is a never ending journey, you’ll always be left wanting more.

A monk spoke to me recently about his upbringing in a hill tribe village in remote northern Thailand where he had to learn to cook, clean, plant, harvest and how to navigate life, as a result he tells me he learned where things come from and to appreciate what he has, he told me “as a kid in the hill tribe if I wanted to play with a toy I had to make one so I would carve a gun out of wood from a banana tree. Rich kids, if they want something it is given to them, they grow up having no idea how to live and they don’t appreciate what they have”.

“Happiness isn’t about getting what you want it’s about loving what you have”

We have put too much emphasis on having many things. It is true that if we are out in the cold in a forest with no food and no clothes we will not be happy but if someone gives us shelter, a blanket and something to eat we will be happy. So if a little of something is good then it follows that more must be better but a person with $2M is not twice as happy as a millionaire.

You can also have too much of a good thing (as I have found with Mum’s mince pies)! It’s easy to make the mistake of thinking that if you have something you love or desire you’ll be happier with more, as a result of this mantra we struggle in the modern world with debt, obesity and addiction. We feel we have to ‘have’ things to be free when in fact it’s the opposite, our struggle to hold onto things brings the very pain we are trying to avoid, we are terrified of letting go for fear we’ll have nothing but this is the true path to living.

I look at those who live simply and can’t help thinking they know the secret, they have mastered the art of living. After all, everything material we have can be lost tomorrow and the irony is if you’re asked what you most value it’s likely to be the things money can’t buy and put under the tree, things like love, your health and your family. So this Christmas take a few minutes to think about all you have in your life and be grateful and remember those who are not so fortunate.

“That man is poor, not who has little but who hankers after more” Seneca

Make 2015 your year!

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As the New Year approaches we are busy thinking about the possibilities for 2015 and what lofty goals we may set for our New Year Resolutions.

We’ll be telling ourselves, “this is the year, it’ll be different”, we have new found motivation to achieve goals that maybe we’ve been ‘considering’ for the last few New Years. I’m going to lose weight, I’m going to get up earlier, get fit, I’m going to find a new job. We dust off our bucket list for review, we join the gym, we update our CV and then by February the motivation has lapsed slightly, we’ve had a few set backs and real life has taken over and we no longer have the promise of a New Year hanging in the air to give us that extra push.

Maybe we’ve taken salad to work for a few days and avoided the bread basket when we’ve been out for dinner but really we’re only a few weeks into the year and not that much has changed. How do you get from where you are to where you want to be and ensure that this year is the year?

There’s a big difference between talking about what we want to achieve and actually doing it, how do we make it happen and actually do those things we say we’re going to do, whether it’s New Year or anytime of the year. I’m not an expert, I still have things I’ve talked about that have not quite been crossed of my list yet but I have a pretty good track record. Quitting my corporate job to follow my dreams, travelling the world, spending a year living out of a van as a nomad, volunteering to teach English overseas, studying Buddhism whilst working full time, training to become a yoga teacher and emigrating to the other side of the world.

So how do we make our dreams reality and what is it that so often stops us? If it was easy there would be no challenge and we’d not be having this conversation, your resolve will be key. It all depends on you and you must take responsibility and make the right choices along the way. Take control of your own destiny, know why you’re doing it and understand the consequences of failure and keep this in your mind. So as you mull over your prospects for 2015 consider these top tips to help you achieve your goals and live your dreams;

  • Understand what you really want. Take some quiet time out to reflect on what this might be. The quieter we become the more we can hear, listen to what is deep inside of you. Make sure your goals are actually what you want not what you think you should want.

  • Set your intentions – commit to it and believe in yourself.

  • Write it down and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day to keep it at the front of your mind.

  • Make it realistic so you give yourself every chance to achieve it.

  • If it’s big, break it down, set milestones and timeframes to work to.

  • Think positive, ordinary people can achieve extra ordinary things, the only person stopping you is yourself.

  • Tell people what you’re doing. The more people know, the more ‘pressure’ there is to succeed, you’ll have people asking you about it, the fear of failure increases if it is more public and this helps hold you accountable. You may also find that by making it public you encourage others to join you or find support in places you least expected.

  • Be grateful. Don’t get so lost in the search for something better that you forget all the good things you already have. Get into the habit of giving gratitude everyday even for the small things, you may even want to keep a gratitude journal. If you want to get fitter this year remember to be grateful for your health and wellbeing and the opportunity you have to improve your fitness, not everyone is so lucky.

  • Give yourself a break. There will be ups and downs, praise yourself for the small successes but don’t beat yourself up when things don’t go so well. Your attitude is critical in your success, so if you accidently ate that piece of cake at lunchtime, get back on the wagon rather than letting it ruin your good intentions and doing more damage. Be kind to yourself and don’t let a little derailer put you completely off track.

  • Keep the company of those walking the same path. Like minded people will understand what you’re trying to achieve, they may even be on the same journey themselves giving you a support network of people to share ideas and motivation with. They are more likely to be positive about what you’re aiming for and show an interest in what you’re doing.

  • Lose the company of those who do not believe in you or are not supportive. Negative attitudes are infectious and they’ll weaken your resolve, they’ll inadvertently convince you that you’ll fail and may become a distraction to what you’re trying to achieve.

  • Let go! Of what you think you should be, grudges from the past, limiting beliefs (I’m too old, not good enough etc.), the need to control the outcome, the need for perfection (you don’t need to know everything). Have faith, trust the process and know that if you’re on the right path you’re heading in the right direction.

  • Stop procrastinating. There’s always an excuse or a better time. (I’ll start the diet on Monday or after my birthday/holiday etc.). Procrastination comes in many forms all distractions from achieving our goals, conditions will never be perfect, don’t let negative thoughts overcome your motivation, start now. This is it, this is life, you’re living it now, you only get once chance, it’s too precious a chance to waste on being unhappy. You get once chance to make it great and you can make it whatever you want it to be.

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” Lao Tzu“Every ordinary person has extraordinary potential” Swami Satyananda