Please stop asking women to speak for free, especially this week on International Women’s Day. For the first time in many years I’m not doing a keynote on IWD. It’s not that I wasn’t asked but I refused to do it cheap enough (or for free in many cases). It’s frustrating that women are still being under valued – especially on today of all days. It’s not that I don’t speak for free, for charities I support, of course. I do a lot of social impact work for free. However if you’re a multi million dollar business asking me to speak for free because it'll give me good exposure I already know where your priorities are in the gender equity space. This is my profession, my job, it’s how I pay my bills and it’s also something I’m good at.
I know from my HR days these same businesses spend thousands on ex military men, all blacks and men that climb mountains to give motivational speeches to their staff (regardless of what they say). Now if your business doesn’t have much budget for IWD that in itself says a lot but it’s about more than today. IWD is just an opportunity to celebrate women and shine a spotlight on these issues but the real work is so much deeper and an every day job.
There’s been a reoccurring theme in the media and online when IWD rolls around and that’s the more commonly seen rant from frustrated women who see this happening year on year and yet the real progress isn’t being invested in or prioritised. I know we’re supposed to be grateful to have a day dedicated to talking about and shining a light on inequity but what’s the point if it’s not going to change the status quo? I’m totally on that band wagon this week!
If you’ve still got a male majority lead team, see women leaving your business because they can’t progress or the culture is one of toxic masculinity, if you’ve got a gender pay gap, if women are experiencing belittling micro aggressions, being talked over or mistaken for more junior members of staff you’ve got a lot of work to do and a speaker for IWD is probably not the best investment of your budget or time. However it is a chance to talk about what you can be doing differently.
I’d love to have that conversation with you and support your journey in this space so please get in touch.
And whilst we’re here let’s talk about some of the reasons we have IWD and why it’s different for women. Apart from the obvious pay gap and inequities in our representation at leadership level there are other contributing factors to why it’s different for women. Starting with the fact that we are the ones likely giving birth, going through menopause and still doing more unpaid care work at home. We’re also judged by how we look and whether we’re excelling at being feminine first (often called the pretty privilege), no woman throws on a suit in the morning and leaves the house without any makeup when heading for the boardroom, that’s a privilege only afforded to men. Often referred to as the double bind
Figures show women do more in the DEI space and yet as a result are spread more thinly and doing too much therefore more at risk of burnout.
So if one more man tells me gender isn’t a thing (especially this week) I’ll say again it isn’t for you because you’re not a woman. Value each others lived experiences, listen before you speak and take time to learn about the stuff that may not be obviously apparent to you, especially if you’re of privilege.
An example of this a man speaking at a recent conference advises leaders to speak with a deeper voice to convey authority and confidence (the audience was 98% women and non binary). Now I get this is his lived experience and has probably worked for him. What he misses is that as a woman doing this comes across as threatening, the double bind kicks in and all of a sudden we’re aggressive and not feminine enough. It’s simply stuff a man wouldn’t understand because he’s never had to. Quite simply it’s different for women so rather than debating this why not ask women to share their experience so you can learn why.
Here’s an idea, why not even pay them for sharing it on IWD!