Last week I got a tattoo to mark my New Zealand citizenship. It’s not my first tattoo but my first for 5 years at least. It’ something I seem to do to mark a transition. In fact if we look back at where tattoos come from they’ve always been used as part of ancient cultures to mark transitions, ceremonies and tribal belonging.
My last tattoo was the lotus on my left foot. Synonymous with Buddhism I got this when I returned from a big trip that followed me leaving the corporate world and leaving my long term relationship to come out. I spent time in Bhutan (the kingdom famous for Gross National Happiness in place of GDP), I taught English to Buddhist monks in northern Thailand and I spent time in Thich Nhat Hanh’s Plum Village in France. Teaching Mindfulness and immersing myself in other cultures helped my own transition and self realisation. It’s where I began to understand the metaphor that Thich Nhat Hanh himself wrote about – No mud, no lotus.
It’s easy to be happy when life is going well, we know that. It’s a much bigger ask when challenges present, when things happen outside of our control, when life gets tough.
The lotus grows in the mud before it blooms above the water line and without the mud we don’t get the beautiful bloom – no mud, no lotus! It can seem like this as we transition through life’s big moments, challenges we overcome. The things that help us grow and make us stronger often feel like the very mud we’d rather avoid. Without the mud and our challenges we would not experience the lotus or joy in our life as well. Without the mud we don’t bloom into the lotus either and it’s through this growth process that we become who we are. This has always been an important lesson for me – hence the tattoo!
Over the years I’ve learned that happiness is not the mere absence of suffering or temporary cessation of unhappiness. It’s less about elation and perfection more about purpose and fulfilment, being connected to who you are. A big part of this is resilience, tough times will come to us all. It’s how you deal with it and bounce back that impacts your happiness.
Being happy doesn’t mean there is no suffering and as Thich Nhat Hanh says in his book ‘No Mud, No Lotus’; “the art of happiness is also the art of suffering well.” To be happy it is critical we embrace and manage our suffering.
We have an inbuilt predisposition to run from pain and although suffering is inevitable, avoidance of pain is such a major preoccupation for us. The methods we employ to achieve this often contribute to more of the very pain we are trying to avoid; addictions, eating disorders, debt, etc.
Suffering is hard, even if we can accept it. We don’t like to suffer, but it can also be where our biggest lessons come from. Suffering is part of the human condition and it’s ok not to be ok. If we get sick or lose someone we love of course we’ll suffer but as we sit with these feelings, sitting in the mud – what we realise is that over time the lotus starts to bloom. So often it’s our deepest scars that can lead to our biggest gifts. Standing in our power involves owning the past that got us here – the good and the bad.
Whether it’s being made redundant and having to find a new job not on your terms or finding yourself single after 20 years of marriage and forging a new life. Regardless of the pain you may experience each experience provides an opportunity for a clean slate, a blank canvas for you to create the life you’ve always wanted.
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