What’s the difference between happiness and contentment? There’s isn’t really one, except how we view them and the approach and then of course the all important way that works (or not). This is the real difference and where we've been going wrong for so long.
Happiness is so often something we pursue, we see it as external to us, it belongs in things and achievements and we can’t feel happy until we get those things. It’s also short lived this external happiness. We know this because the house we have and the car we have, even the partner we have was once new and exciting, we thought it’d make us happy. Now it is a drain on our bank account and leaves dirty dishes in the sink. My point being once the novelty wears off we realise these external things did not make us forever happy so we continue the search in more and better.
It's not our fault though, our economy is build on this. We taught to continually pursue things and that it’s never enough, so we buy more and the economy grows. Our economic growth relies on us feeling unhappy so we search (and spend more) to become happier. Happiness is not good for the economy – crazy right when literally every advert we watch promises us which ever product is being sold will deliver exactly this.
Inner contentment is a different type of happiness. It’s a happiness that we control and that’s always there, mostly importantly it’s a happiness that’s not dependent on anyone or anything else. We don’t have to have the latest gadget or meet the person of our dreams for this kind of happiness.
We’re taught to compare to others and chase after what they have so we can feel successful and like we’re keeping up too. Again, it’s what our economic growth has taught us as it leads to us feeling like we need to spend more, have more, be more like ‘those who have it all’. Our social media evolution has exacerbated this further with everyone posting a perfect life to leave us all feeling like we need to be and have more.
If we are putting the keys to our happiness in the pockets of others we’re always going to be disappointed. We are the architects of our own happiness we just need to turn the focus inwards and stop searching for this externally.
Contentment in the kind of happiness we cultivate inside. Much of this depends on our mindset and how we think. How can it not. Every day whether we feel happy or not starts from our minds and the thoughts we’re having. We often think it’s external events that make us unhappy: the weather, other people, the news, not getting the job, the supermarket having sold out of milk. Yet it’s not really the event that makes us unhappy, just our reaction to it. If we master our mindset for positivity the lens we look at all our of external environment through changes.
One of the greatest lessons I learned from my time with Buddhists (and there were many) was that we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as it appears to us – ie through the lens we’re looking through. That’s why we can have such divisive opinions about the same thing, even in the same family. Politics is a great test for this theory!
To build contentment we build our sense of calm and equanimity inside, almost like an armour to the outside world. A retreat within if you like. I believe that calm is our default state, we’ve just lost touch of this in our busyness and quest for more. The constant stress and fast pace lives we live mean that fight flight is closer to our default state rather than a state of arousal designed for a short term survival against imminent and passing danger.
It’s something I call calmony; a state of harmony that arises when we’re in touch with who we are, satisfied with all we have and at peace with the world. A state of being that is whole and fulfilled.
Contentment is also being aware of who we are and what we have and being connected to it too. Connected to the present, to ourselves and the environment around us, this enable us to appreciate so much more. We never really have something unless we appreciate it, even if we posses it. We also feel a deep connection to ourselves and therefore our purpose which allows us to live with more meaning.
The bottom line is, and how we differentiate the difference between the pursuit of happiness and creating contentment is this:
· The happiness that we pursue and relies in external things so is out of our control is also short lived and fleeting so not lasting.
· Contentment that we cultivate (calmony) is within our control, goes everywhere with us and is not dependant on anyone or anything else outside of us. This is what leads to real and lasting happiness.