It was a pleasure to attend the recent Women of Influence speaker series and for a change not be on stage, just able to soak up the wisdom. Loved the inspiring stories speakers shared and noticing their similarities. Of course they talked about imposter syndrome and it was great to see successful women sharing their vulnerabilities in such a public forum.
During the Q&A I asked those on stage ‘what are you most proud of?’. It comes from my work around our strengths and successes, knowing we don’t always do this enough as women and especially not in our modest, humble kiwi culture.
It was something the panel struggled to answer (to be fair it was sprung on them not in the list of prepared questions). Those who did have an answer to the question said things like their team, or customers, external factors outside of themselves. I love that we’re so eager to praise others but sometimes it can be at the expense of recognising our own contributions.
It’s not something we spend enough time thinking about and nor are we taught growing up to focus on this. It’s why we struggle to answer the question or feel awkward answering it in a way that still feels humble. Yet it’s a critical part in offsetting our imposter experience and building the confidence in what we bring to the table.
Other take aways from this great session included ‘nobody knows what they’re doing until they’re doing it’ which I think sums up perfectly the advice we often get to give it a go, make a start, am I ready yet? Every new challenge we take on is simply something we haven’t learned yet rather than something we can’t do.
I was also taken by the conversation on useful doubt, similar to useful stress. I believe most things exist on a continuum and are a line rather than a box we fit in. For example introvert and extrovert exist at opposite ends of the same line and most of us position somewhere close to the middle either side of ambivert. Stress is bad at both ends of this continuum (boredom vs burnout) but can be optimum in the middle – productive stress, like a looming deadline that motivates us into action! The same may be true of self doubt, enough drive to prove our capability without too much doubt that we’re frozen by fear of not being good enough.
There’s also a difference between doubt in our worth and belief in our capability (but that’s a topic for another day)! It’s basically the difference between self esteem and self efficacy I talk about in my workshops.
So what are you most proud of, what have been some of your wins and achievements during your career? How might you answer that question?