It’s something i’ve devoted my business to and the topic of my third book, The Superwoman Survival Guide. How do we reach our potential without burning out in the process?
For me i think it’s two sides of the same coin. The belief in ourselves that we have potential and then the energy to deliver on that potential.
This week at our special lunchtime talks i’ve spent time talking about both of these subjects.
As women, we’re often brought up to be people pleasers, last on our own list, juggler of many roles. We also have high expectations on ourselves and expect to deliver all this perfectly. Often we set the bar too high and then beat ourselves up when we fall short.
Busyness is fashionable, it’s become a badge of honour. It also makes us feel needed, valued and productive when we’re busy. Our society has glorified the term and as a result, the opposite of busy has been deprioritised. We no longer see the value in rest, recharge, down time and it’s costing us our health. Many of us report overwhelm, stress and worse in this busy society we have conditioned ourselves to believe leads to success. In my experience it also leads to burn out and decreases what we’re capable of.
Often we feel selfish, guilty or lazy if we take time out or time for ourselves. There’s a pressure when we sit and do nothing to think of all the things we ‘should’ be doing instead. However, for me, sitting doing nothing each day is key to giving me the energy to do everything else!
Looking after ourselves is key. What ever you call it – putting on your own oxygen mask first or filling your cup the principles are the same. You must come first if you’re to be of any use to anyone else.
It’s a subject I refer to as slowing down to speed up. I know this sounds counterintuitive. Especially in a world when we’re told to do more things in less time. However I’ve found that when we make the most of our pauses, take down time and take time out for us we become more effective.
If I’m well rested and focused on my task in hand, taking regular breaks and having time for me I am healthier, happier and have more energy. My mind is more focused and sharp and I can think clearer. This means relationships are easier to navigate, conflict is easier to overcome and when I have to make decisions or solve problems these things don’t take as long and I make fewer mistakes. Therein lies the secret to slowing down in order to be more effective and therefore speed up.
Self-care is as much about what we don’t do though as well as what we do. Saying no, setting boundaries, delegating and asking for support are all critical when it comes to keeping yourself in top form.
Time out is a foundation from which we build not luxury nice to have that sits at the bottom of our to do list until we’ve done all the important stuff. Gilbert Enoka, All Blacks Skills Coach explains it in terms of waves when he talks about peak performance. After game day when players have performed at their peak and given everything they need rest. Each wave of performance and pushing is followed by a wave of easing off, relaxing and recharging. We are the same and we simply can’t be at our best if every day is an upwards wave of pushing without the downward peaks in between.
It also helps build our resilience which we know is key to surviving the busyness. I liken it to a bank account that we pay into over time so that when things get tough we can withdraw ‘funds’.
The trouble with resilience is that we often don’t think about it when things are going well. When we need it and tough times hit it’s too late, unless we’ve been building it. It’s like a tree in a storm, it’s grown its roots when the weather is fine so it can stand strong in a storm. We are the same, we need to be growing our roots and building our resilience when things are going well so we can weather the storms when they come.
It’s easy to be happy when things are going well but we know that isn’t always the case. Good and bad happen to us all, life has it’s rough and its smooth patches. It’s not about what happens to us as we can’t always control that but how we react to it and that’s our resilience – our ability to bounce back.
Mind-set is key as this is how we control our reaction to the stress, busyness and bumps in the road. The mind is so important in terms of managing our busyness and overwhelm, as well as our self-talk and self-belief. Everything starts here.
What we think becomes how we feel and that the becomes how we act. Everything beings in the mind. It also comes everywhere with us. If we’re feeling anxious and overwhelmed with a busy, disturbed mind full of problems it doesn’t matter where we are we’ll struggle to be happy. We can be on a tropical island in a five star hotel on holiday with the perfect weather but if our mind is in that state we won’t enjoy it, regardless of our external circumstances.
The fact that we have an average 50 thousand thoughts a day (95% of which are the same) contributes to our sense of busyness in the brain, overwhelm of information and therefore pressure on the amount we have to do and think about. We find we’re constantly going over the past or worrying about the future and our brains suffer from this information overload. Especially in our device fueled constantly connected lives.
If we clam the mind and make it a more positive place we reduce our sense of overwhelm and we start to cultivate better relationships, with ourselves, our problems and with those around us. It’s that simple. It’s why mindfulness and meditation have become my daily go tos to stay at my best.
What we think is what we get and as Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can or cant you’re right”
So take some time out for you this International Women’s Day and know that it’s critical to our sucess, our energy, beating overwhelm and cultivating a clearer, calmer mind-set.