So we’re into a new year but not only that a new decade! A decade is a long time and much can happen over ten years. Take a look back at how far you’ve come, I'm sure there’s been plenty of ups and downs inside the last ten years. When I think back to what was happening for me ten years ago I was coming to the end of a year living in a campervan travelling the circumference of Australia with my then partner. I was emigrating to New Zealand and about to take up a position with Fonterra furthering my HR career.
The next decade saw me promoted at that job and then quit it all together. I left my partner of the time, I came out, I met my fiancé and moved to Wellington. I learned to meditate and met my teacher, friend and buddhist nun friend who taught me so much. We also fare welled her this decade too. I fare welled both my grandmothers and welcomed three nephews into the world.
I was lucky enough to spend time this decade in Bhutan, the kingdom famous from gross national happiness in place of GDP, I taught English to Buddhist monks in northern Thailand, spent time in Bali and qualified as a yoga teacher. I put on 10kg and lost 10kg and put on about another 8kg all in the last decade!
During that time I went from having a top job, company car, earning more than I thought possible to travelling, living in yoga ashrams and ultimately starting my own business.
Even within that journey there’s been a lot of ground covered in the last five years. I wrote my first book and then another two. I set up a meet up group and ran free events – sometimes no-one came! I now sell out events across NZ and am paid to speak along side celebrity names. I published my first blog online and set up my own website, I also went on to feature on BBC, TV3 and RNZ later that decade. It’s also been the decade where I acquired the Imposter Syndrome expert tag.
So much ground covered and I could never have imagined back then I’d be here now with all this water under the bridge both personally and professionally.
Here’s what I learned:
Don’t under estimate yourself – you’ve earned your place
We often doubt our abilities, underestimate ourselves or think that our success must have been down to something other than our ability – luck, a mistake, being liked etc.
Throughout my career I would wave away success and down play my achievements almost embarrassed by praise. I can’t say I’m there yet but I have since learned to respond to praise and recognition with ‘thank you’ which is a good start!
For many years in my former career I suffered from Imposter Syndrome. I didn’t get a degree, I left school at 16 and as I progressed into senior roles (where everyone had a degree) I used to feel like I was less intelligent, not as valuable or worthy – despite my performance and achievements.
Other people’s opinions seem to carry more weight than our own and it’s only the feedback I’ve had from others over the years that now allows me to believe I can do this and that people love what I do.
I remember worrying in my first workshop I’d been asked to do for a big business – am I qualified to do this? Will they enjoy it? Will it be good enough? Who am I to be posing as an expert in this field? – all those questions played on my mind despite having written a book on the subject I was speaking about!
If you’re getting praise you’ve earned it. The success you achieve is because you’re capable and have worked for it. It doesn’t have to be perfect to be success and you also don’t need to have all the answers.
You don’t have to have all the answers
For many years I’d put off leaving the security of my corporate job. I needed a plan first. If this wasn’t my career I needed to know what was before I made any changes. Where I’m at now I could never have foreseen then. It’s been a result of the journey I’ve taken and the things I’ve learned along the way that have helped informed my next move, developed me and taken me to where I am.
Often we feel we need all the answers, to see the whole stair case before we take the first step and begin.
There was trial and error, trying things to know if that worked or not. Training to teach yoga to see if this could be the future me or where else that might take me. Whilst I had a plan, I had no idea where I’d end up and it was only as I made progress the next steps began to emerge.
Sometimes we have to be comfortable with uncertainty because we don’t know what’s next. We might have a path set out but end up somewhere different, or sometimes we end up in the same place but take a different path or route to the one we planned, either way it works. I’m of the opinion now that there are no wrong paths and there are lessons learned and experiences gained even from the tough paths I wish I’d not chosen – I wouldn’t go back and change it.
Align with your values – be yourself
For many of my former years I tried to be who I thought I should be, what the world wanted, to fit in. I denied my sexuality for many years and took the corporate path of success as my own. It was only when I realised status and salary were not markers of happiness that I began to look for work that aligned to my values – I had to figure out what those were.
As a young leader I felt there was a mould to fit. I had to be a certain way to pass as a leader and as a result I devalued some of my skills that I didn’t think had a place at work. I used to leave my ‘Jess’ hat at the door to put my ‘Leader’ hat on. I now release these are the same hats and things like kindness, compassion and empathy are major leadership strengths rather than character weaknesses – what a relief because we all know pretending to be something we’re not is exhausting!
Being able to show up as my authentic self both in life and in work makes every day so much more rewarding. It also allows people to trust us when we’re genuine and relate to us if we’ve walked in their shoes.
As we head into the next decade I’m about to become a citizen of the country I was just emigrating to ten years earlier. At the start of the last decade I went on my first ever retreat, now I’m running my own in 2020. A lots happened in ten years, don’t forget how far you’ve come and the time it takes, the lessons we learn along the way. There’s no overnight success it’s all part of the journey.